What I've Been Up To

So I've been a less than faithful blogger and I won't make any promises I can't keep about keeping up better, but I figured I'd explain a big part of what's going on with me. I've mentioned it once before, but It's been taking up a lot of my time and energy lately, so here's the story.

Over the last year, I’ve been in an intense discernment process, teasing out a call to the diaconate in the Episcopal Church. In the Episcopal Church, a deacon is an ordained minister that serves as a bridge, bringing the needs of the world to the attention of the Church, and connecting the Church, in a meaningful way, with the needs of the world, especially the “poor, weak, sick, and lonely.” When I first joined the Episcopal Church about 5 years ago, I learned about diaconal ministry and connected with the idea immediately, though it took me a while to recognize that connection as a call to ministry.

So, I began the official discernment process. I met with my parish priest several times, and talked to other deacons. One of my first steps was to determine my personal “diaconal ministry.” A Diaconal ministry is a call to serve a specific group of people in need outside of the Church. I believe that my diaconal ministry is to serve students in public schools. It has been my call throughout my life and, though I am no longer a classroom teacher, my heart is still greatly touched by those students, particularly middle school students, whose needs are so great and often overlooked.

So, I began connecting my parish to a local middle school. If we lived at our church, our children would be zoned to attend an inner city school with all of the problems and needs that implies. So, I set out to learn more about the school and how we could begin building a positive relationship. Our parish is now an official “Partner in Education” with the school. Among other things, we stock a clothing closet for needy students, we have provided basic supplies for students and teachers, we hosted teachers at our church for inservice days, and we have several volunteers working regularly at the school. It has been exciting and affirming to see people respond to the needs of students and teachers so generously and I look forward to seeing the ministry continue to grow.

As part of my discernment, I also wrote a “spiritual autobiography,” met with a discernment committee made up of members of my parish, met with my bishop, and completed a long list of other bureaucratic tasks. Throughout the process, my sense of calling only became stronger.

Most recently, I met with the Commission on Ministry of our diocese. It was a two-day event in which I had several interviews, got to know priests and deacons from around the diocese and met the other people from our area aspiring to holy orders as priests or deacons. It was exhausting, but also exciting. This group of people are responsible for making recommendations to the bishop concerning who should continue to the next phase and begin official training for ordained ministry.

Fortunately, the Commission on Ministry recognized my call and I will soon begin the formal training process to become a deacon. I’m not yet sure of the details as there are changes underway, but it is an education and training program that will last several years.

So, there you have it! I appreciate all the support and encouragement I’ve received so far and now that I’m on my way, you’ll probably be hearing more about my journey. Please feel free to ask any questions and keep me in your prayers as I move forward!

My Sweet Two Year Old

I used to get so annoyed at all the people who kept telling me how time would fly or how they couldn't believe how big their babies were now. It bothered me when the 9456th person told me "your life is going to change," while I was pregnant. But I get it now. I really do. They weren't trying to be snotty or condescending. They were just trying to convey some profound truths about parenting that escape words.

Time passes and your baby becomes a little person, and in time, she will become a big person. Yet, you can't ever really detach yourself from the person she was at every stage - when we first learned she was coming, when she was a tiny newborn, and every stage she has gone through. To me, she will always be all of these people. She won't remember what she was like at age two, but I will and I'll treasure these memories.

I'll recall how she would climb up into my lap and beg me to read her a story one more time. I'll remember how I marveled at the fact that she started to recognize word and beg to go to the library for books. I'll remember the cheeky grin as she ran to me when she knew she'd done something wrong and that little mischievous twinkle in her eye.

So, maybe, at some point, I'll become one of those people who tells an expectant parent that their life is going to change, because I'll want to tell them but fail, too, to articulate how profoundly the experience of being a parent changes you, your life, all the people around you. How I'm not the same person I was before I became a mother, and how it has made me see the whole world just a little differently.

Best laid plans...

So, we stopped preventing pregnancy over a year ago. We started TTC in January. I'm starting to get frustrated and a little sad that things aren't working out as planned. The longer it takes to have #2, the less chance there is for having #3, since I'm not getting any younger. I'm kinda bummed and it gets worse as the months progress.

However, I spent some time with my grandmother this week. I asked her what my mom was like at Sprout's age. She said that she really couldn't remember because she had just had my aunt and was just trying to survive with a new baby and a toddler. I asked everyone what I was like and no one could remember because everyone was consumed with my brother only 16 months older.

And I just kept chatting and watching my mom play with Sprout, marveling at what an amazing little girl she is. So, I'm going to try really hard to soak in every moment I can. Remember as much as I can. Try to think about this extra time as a gift. It may not be quite what we had planned, but I can make the best of it, right? I don't know what the future holds, but I do have a pretty amazing present.

Traveling with a toddler

We travel with Sprout a lot and she is a real trooper, but it is still exhausting. Yesterday, in a hotel, I put her in her pack and play to sleep and then hid under the covers with my iPad for 30 minutes until she nodded off. The things we do for our babies! We try to get a two room suite when we can, but it's not always possible or in the budget. What are we going to do when she's in a big girl bed?!

I imagine our next child (if we are blessed with another) will be a terrible traveler, scream in the car seat, and refuse to sleep anywhere but home. And I imagine that we will travel anyway. It's too important to us to stop, but it's pretty clear that already we have stopped taking "vacations" and started just "taking trips."

We will be putting Sprout through the paces for the next month or so. Hopefully her flexible nature will
Withstand the test!

My amazing girl

I haven't said much about Sprout lately. I fear that if I tell you everything she's up to, you won't believe me, but here goes.

• She will be 2 next month. How on earth did that happen? We are planning a Chicka Chicka Boom Boom party. I can't wait!
• She knows all of her upper and lower case letters and most of the sounds that letters make. She is particularly fascinated with the letter, "h."
• She continues to memorize her books. I'm not sure I even know how many she has completely memorized right now. I love listening to her "practice" while she's in the car seat or trying to keep herself awake.
• She recognizes at least a half dozen words and knows how to spell them: her name, "mommy," "daddy," "grandma," "Flash,""cat," "stop," "on," "off," and possibly a few others. Craziness.
• She started her new KinderMusik class this week and she was in heaven. She loves it so much it's fun to watch. She moved up to the toddler class which is fun because it's more kid-focused and less parent-focused. I couldn't believe it when she sat down nicely to listen to a story. Whoah.
• She figure out how to jump this month and loves to show off her new skill, along with shuffling and marching.

I'll stop there. But I will say that the child makes my jaw drop constantly. Her vocabulary is astounding and every day, she seems to know something else that children her age aren't supposed to know. And to think a year ago I was worried because she didn't talk at all. Language explosion, indeed!

The Pediatrician: Behind the Scenes

So, you know that DH is a pediatrician. Some of his experiences and our conversations this week have made me realize that most people have no idea how things work behind the scenes and make a lot of assumptions. Obviously, every office works differently, but from the pediatrician's wife, there are a few things you may want to know:

1) When they are running behind, the doctors are not in the back playing poker. They are stressed, too. They don't want to be behind, but one complicated patient can throw off the whole day. Remember that sometime, you may be the patient that needs the extra time and TRY to be understanding. If you have been waiting longer than 20 minutes, it is perfectly reasonable to ask nicely how long things may be. Yes, they probably should tell you without asking, but things can get crazy and it doesn't always happen.

2) The doctor probably has little or nothing to do with the office staff, the receptionist, the billing folks, or the nurse you talk to at night on the phone. If you have a problem with any of those folks, you have to tell the doctor, or he probably has no idea and can't help solve your problem.

3) If you don't understand why your doctor is performing a test or prescribing a medication or you have doubts about it, please ask him. He really does want to help you and your child, but he can't read your mind. Just discarding his advice and ranting about it to everyone you know is really not helping anyone. At least give him the chance to explain it to you. You may be surprised that another option is available that could make you both happy.

4) Every doctor is different. You may not get along with a doctor and your friend may love him. That's okay. They all have different styles. It doesn't mean that one is a bad doctor, just that one is a better match for you.

There's probably a lot more, but it's taken me three sittings to get this far because, well, it's been one of those days! Stay tuned for part two!

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

After reading an article recently about helicopter parents and other such issues that quoted this book, DH and I decided to read The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, by Wendy Mogel. It was a very interesting read.

The book centers on using Jewish teachings and principles to guide parenting. I admit that I don't know a lot of details about Jewish tradition, but it was written in a way that was very accessible and made a lot of sense as someone from a related faith tradition. There was nothing earth-shattering about the advice given, but what was different was the perspective. Instead of looking at everything in purely psychological terms, explanations were woven with religious teachings and traditions. I appreciated that different point of view.

As the title suggests, the author spends a lot of time suggesting that parents need to teach and instruct more, and protect their children less. That, in protecting our children from failure, pain, and consequences, we actually handicap them because they grow up unable to cope with negative emotions or events.

Has it changed my parenting? Not really. But it did prompt some good discussions between DH and I. And we did make one pretty big change. After the chapter about electronic devices, we decided to observe a stricter form of "Sabbath." Basically, we decided that on Sunday, until sundown, we would not use any electronic gadgets - TV, Internet, cell-phones, iPads, etc. It hasn't been easy, but it has been extremely valuable. It forces us to unplug from the outside world to rest and really enjoy our time together as a family without distraction. We've also tried to make Sunday dinner more special. I don't spend all day cooking or anything, but we take out the good china and light a few candles.

It's a pretty easy read, so check it out if you get the chance.

What kind of parent am I?

Nothing like your kids to bring you down to earth, right? I've been thinking about some of the new things that Sprout has been saying lately. Some of them make me think about changes I need to make. Some of them make me feel really good. Some are just funny. I'll let you guess which are which. Here are some of her latest verbal achievements:

• "Ask to help."
• "Good-bye, papa bear."
• "Awesome"
• "Large Diet Coke"
• "Say Prayer"
• "Oh my word!"
• "Mommy numbers please"
• "Daddy to work."
• "That's your child."
• "Jesus Loves Me, This I know..."
• "Too hot to go out for walk"
• "Bowl in the kitchen"
• "Hungry. Something to eat"
• "actually"
• "no screeching"
• "listen to mommy"

I'm sure I missed plenty and there are more and more every day. It's hard to believe that she knows and hears and understands so much. A year ago, we were wondering when she would talk!

What did I do?

So, last night, DH and I were talking and I was trying to figure out how in the world I stayed home almost completely for the first few months of Sprout's life. Now things are so busy and we go out and do something almost every day unless she's sick or something.

Then I remembered. She was a miserable, colicky, newborn that nursed 30-45 minutes out of every 2 hour period. Basically I nursed for 4 months! Actually, that schedule continued for quite a few months after that, but finally most of her feedings shortened and I could nurse her for a few minutes while out and about (still 20-30 minutes until she was about ready to wean at 11 or 12 months).

I have to admit that thinking about doing that again makes me cringe. I love that I breastfed her, but the newness of motherhood and the overwhelming exhaustion just let me to put one foot in front of the other. I didn't really think about what I could be doing. If/when we have another baby, it will be different. If s/he nurses the same way it will be incredibly hard on Sprout and me. I'm really not sure if we'll be able to EBF if that's the case. I'm hoping for one of those babies that can finish a meal in 5-10 minutes and to avoid a lot of the supply and pain issues I had during the first 6 months that made it even harder for me to nurse when I wasn't home in my comfy chair.

There's no way to know the future, but there's been a lot of talk in my circles lately about breastfeeding. I did it. I loved it. I hated it. It's a blessing and a sacrifice. The loss of freedom didn't really bother me until toward the end, but thinking about the future, it bothers me a lot. I know that I will do my very best to breastfeed any future children, but if I said that my feelings about it were all of smiles and cuddles and sweet baby smells, I'd be lying.

She is Beautiful

So, my friend posted this article on FaceBook recently:

How to Talk to Little Girls

In case you don't want to read the article, the main point is that when people talk to little girls, they often focus on appearance instead of asking questions or commenting on what they are doing. The author suggests that this teaches girls to be a part of our culture's obession with appearance and promotes body-image issues. (It's an over-simplification, but read the article if you want a better explanation.)

And it got me thinking. I tell Sprout that she is beautiful many times a day. I also tell her that she's cute and gorgeous and any number of other compliments that relate to her appearance. Is that bad? I'm not sure. I also tell her that she's smart and I encourage her in all sorts of other ways. But is that enough?

I don't want her to be obsessed with having a perfect body or hair, but I also know that I won't be able to shield her completely from the culture in which we live and the pressure that her peers will provide. So I want her armed with the knowledge that her parents believe she is beautiful. It would be great if she didn't care at all, but I know better. There will be a point that she will wonder if she measures up. I will always find her beautiful and fabulous and I plan to tell her so. Am I contributing to the problem? Maybe, but I hope that instead, I'm giving her something more valuable. A sense of belonging, an ability to understand that beauty means different things to different people, security that no matter what messages the world throws to her, she will be safe with me.

So, I will make a point to encourage her intellectually and complement her ingenuity and curiosity and creativity. But I'll also continue to tell her that she is beautiful. Because, well, she is. And she always will be.

Thoughts on our German trip

Just a few silly thoughts DH and I compiled during our trip:

I don't mind paying for restrooms, especially when they are kept extremely clean by attentive attendants.

One of my favorite things to do in a foreign country is tour a grocery store. You can really learn a lot that way.

When you mix beer with lemonade or fruit syrup, it's actually pretty good.

Though it seems impossible, a three minute layover is actually plenty of time when making a train connection in Germany.

Germans really like ice cream - keeping DH from eating 6 ice cream cones a day was quite a challenge.

They also value freshly squeezed orange juice, which made me very happy!

Berliners take the crosswalk signals very seriously and rarely cross on a "don't walk" signal, even right in front of the British Embassy where the road was blocked off and there was no traffic.
I wonder if the people complaining that there weren't more signs and tours in English are the same ones complaining about things in the US being translated into Spanish.

I will never understand why DH spends so much time and energy choosing, packing, and carrying so much camera gear when he uses the same stuff all the time.

Traveling for long periods of time in a foreign country is a great way to test any relationship.

It's a good thing we walked so much or I wouldn't have been able to fit into my clothes when we left. They are feeling pretty snug as it is.

We were impressed that the large toy store had only one small section of (mainly American branded) bleepy toys. It was filled, however, with wooden toys, dolls, puzzles, and construction sets of all sorts.

Every toilet in every stall has its own toilet brush.

You have to admire a country with a public transportation system that is largely dependent on the honor system.

I really should have known from my Peace Corps days that when a local says that a path, "isn't too bad," they really mean, "we never heard from the last foreigner who went that way."

A German Adventure

DH and I abandoned our baby girl and escape to Germany for a week. Okay, we left her safely with her grandmother and they both had a great time, and so did we. It was hard to leave her for so long, but we did Skype a few times and stay in touch. And I really think the trip was a good thing for me, my husband, and for our marriage. Being a couple doing something we love to do is a good thing. It was a special trip for our 5th anniversary, coming up on July 8.

I know that I've raised a few eyebrows leaving for a week, but I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm not supposed to want to leave her. Maybe it was just the length and distance of the trip. But I have always been a wanderer and traveler. We've traveled all over with Sprout and we'll continue to do so, even this summer. We also want her to be secure and independent and know she can survive without us. If she were a different child, we may feel differently. But we were confident in her care and in her ability to handle us being away. And we were right.

Anyway, it was an amazing trip. Perhaps I'll tell you more about it in the coming weeks as I get myself back into the right time zone :)

I'm in Awe

Lately, I'm having more and more of those moments where I just look at my little girl and just think, "wow, she's really her own little person. She wasn't and now she is. And she's my little girl."

I love that she wants to learn and, even though it drives me crazy, I love that she asks me to read the same book over and over until she really knows it. Then I catch her "reading" it to herself. I laugh at her when she gets crazy excited about her number puzzle or begs to go for a walk even when it's 97 degrees outside. I smile at her silly faces and the goofy inflections in her voice when she says certain things.

I was putting together a photo book for DH for Father's Day and looking at the pictures from the last year, marveling at how much she has grown and changed. I see her all grown up walking to the car carrying her lunch box on her way to Mother's Day Out and I get a little teary, but in a good way. What joy she has added to our lives!

Sippy Cups

So, last night, Sprout and I were wandering through Target. She needed new sippy cups. So, we found the right section and then my dilemma began. There were "boy" colors and "girl" colors. I needed some take and toss cups (we reuse them until they fall apart or are eaten by the dog, by the way). I picked the green and blue ones over the pink and purple. No biggie.

Then it got harder. For the fancier cups, one set had pink flowers and the other had cars and trucks. The flowers were way cuter, but I felt like I "should" buy trucks. I was seriously frozen. What do I do? Eventually, I found the easiest solution to the problem - let Sprout choose! She chose the flowers and that's what I bought.

I have these moments all the time. I want her to know that it's okay and wonderful to be a girl, but know that she doesn't have to be limited to "girl" things and "girl" colors. I want her to be confident and empowered and I realize that what sippy cup she has when she's less than 2 years old will not make or break the values she has as she gets older. But I also know that the little things are sometimes the most important. That's where we send the most powerful messages about what we really believe. So, I probably fret too much about the colors of sippy cups and place mats. I just want to keep a check on myself so that she always knows that the whole world is open to her.

It's a Girl!

I have a beautiful, amazing little girl. I want desperately for her to grow up to be confident, intelligent, happy, and generous. I'd want the same things for a boy, I'm certain, but I'm not sure I would have given nearly as much thought to the influence of his surroundings, his toys, his wardrobe. If I have a boy in the future, I will think of these things, for sure. Would I have taken them so seriously if I had a boy first? I'd like to think so, but I'm just not sure.

From the time we learned that our Sprout was female, I felt like I had to take a stand against the proliferation of princesses and pink. I felt the need to buy gender neutral clothes to counteract all the dresses and hearts and bows. I got annoyed that puppies were supposed to be only for boys and that (purposely) gender neutral clothes were non-existant after about 6 months.

So now that she's 19 months old, how is it going? I'm sitting in our living room now, which is Sprout's main play area. There are books, a rocking horse, puzzles, animals, cars, a doll. While it would only take someone a split second to see that a toddler lived here, they'd have to look closer to guess that it's a girl. The biggest clues are a pink blanket with letters of the alphabet and the doll buried in her toy bin. Oh, and her sandals sitting on the end table. That makes me happy.

Maybe I try too hard. Maybe I'm denying her "girl-ness." I figure that she will have a whole life of being bombarded by what society expects of girls and women. When she begs for the princess doll, we'll go there, but why push it on her now? For now, she loves building with blocks. I love seeing her develop her own interests and opinions (though I'm not sure I was quite prepared for her to have opinions!). And I love that her favorite thing to do is to read.

But I also realize that this is only the beginning. The real tests are ahead of us. She doesn't watch TV or go to school. I can protect her now, but I know that she will eventually face all of the stereotypes and mixed messages that our culture has to offer. I hope that I'm able to guide her through them and help her gain the confidence to be herself and be proud of whoever that may be.

A Trip to Target

So, I thought I'd sum up what Sprout is up to these days by talking about our shopping trip yesterday.

As we walked into Target, she was already pointing at things. "Ball" (The big red concrete balls outside), "Circle" (the logo on the front of the store). We got her in the shopping cart and began looking around. She was narrating by pointing out numbers. There are a LOT of numbers that are very visible in Target.

Around the office supply section she began to get bored with that so our conversation went like this:

Sprout: Baby FROG! Baby Frog! Bay-beee Fa-ROG!

Me: What is a baby frog?"

Sprout: Tad-pole!! Bay-beeeee Dog!

Me: What is a baby dog?

Sprout: puppy! Bay-beeee Duck!

And so it continued though duck, cat, goose, and cow, before she went back to pointing out things in the store and numbers.

Around the food section she decided she wanted to sing so she went through quite a bit of her repertoire: Baa Baa Black Sheep, The Alphabet Song, You are my Sunshine, and several others. Then she started counting. She actually will count (with minimal help) to around 50 (which she still insists is 40-10).

By the time we got to the check out she was identifying numbers again and people at the check out kept laughing and asking how old she was. My little girl loves to talk. Everywhere I take her, people tell me how smart she is and I know that it's just because she is so verbal for her age, but I can't help to be proud of my little girl.

My New Life

My how things have changed! I think about this time last year. Sprout was just sitting up. I spent most of my day breastfeeding and trying to convince her to take naps. It seems like I never had time to do anything, but looking back on it I keep trying to figure out what I was doing.

And now, I have a little girl. She was walking around carrying her lunchbox this morning as we were getting ready for Mother's Day Out and I just couldn't believe how big she had gotten and how much of a little person she is. And I've changed a lot, too. I've learned so much about parenting and about myself. I've begun a new adventure in ministry, stepped out and become more involved in all kinds of things.

I'm a different person than I was a year ago. And even more different than I was two years ago, almost halfway through my pregnancy. I've had some rough patches, some therapy, and made some important changes. And now I can honestly say, that I'm really, really happy. Not every day, or every moment, of course. There are plenty of times that I still feel frustrated or overwhelmed or wonder how to juggle all the new projects on my plate, but I'm feeling strangely fulfilled and have a strong feeling that I'm right where I'm supposed to be, doing just what I should be doing. And that is a fabulous feeling - mtendere, peace.

I hope it lasts awhile. God has a funny way of shaking things up, just when you get comfortable, ya know?

Kids and Weddings

So every so often, people I know seem to get into fierce debates about whether children should be at weddings. I have a kind of "do what works for you" attitude about it and don't have strong feelings one way or the other, really, so it surprises me that people feel so strongly about it.

It just comes down to what is most important to you as you plan your wedding. Everyone has different ideas about what will make their day "perfect" or what might ruin it all. Would a child screaming during the ring exchange ruin your whole day? Then don't invite kids! It would have just generated some laughter at my wedding. In fact, the priest closed one of the flower girl's hands into the church door as my wedding was beginning. Poor little 3 year old tried sooooo hard to shake it off, but ultimately went running down the aisle to her mama. To me, it was adorable. To someone else it would have been a disaster (Of course one should not have 3 year old flower girls if this constitutes a disaster).

Is having a big, crazy, dancing, drinking party important to you? Or a super formal sit down affair? Then no, kids aren't a good idea. But if, like us, it was more about having family together and you find kids running around the dance floor and trying to steal toys off the groom's cake just all part of the fun, then invite them all!

I realize that my readers (are there any still out there?) have already had their weddings and made their decisions for themselves, but now that we are parents we have a new perspective. Traveling and finding babysitters creates a whole new set of issues. We've bowed out of several weddings that we may have attended if Sprout had been invited, but to be honest, we were kind of glad to have the excuse. The people we most care about have all wanted her there. If they hadn't we'd have figured something out. I do think it's a nice touch if the couple helps arrange childcare, especially if there are out of town guests, and they need to accept that there are people who won't come if their kids aren't invited.

I'm not sure why I felt like I needed a whole blog post about this, but I was just so surprised about how strongly people seemed to feel about the topic. I don't think it's fair to say, "If you invite me you have to invite my kid," but it's also not fair to say, "kids don't belong at weddings, they are for adults." Every wedding is as different as the couple getting married. That is what makes them fun and special.

Things I Don't Want To Forget

Sprout just keeps growing and learning!

-We had to move the straps on her car seat. She really grew!

- She "reads" so many books now. She knows all the words on every page of some of them, the important words on others. She also just starts reciting them randomly, particularly the Dr. Seuss Books.

-She counts to forty! She gets hung up on things sometimes (like she'll say 20-10 instead of 30), but it's pretty amazing. She obviously doesn't quite understand what all those numbers mean, but it's still pretty cool.

-She still sings and picks up new songs all the time. I love it.

-Her favorite thing to do these days is to go for a walk outside. We walk on the sidewalk and she has favorite driveways that she likes to sit down on and places she likes to pick up rocks. She points out numbers on mailboxes and reads the letters on the stop sign. We do this at least once a day, often 2-3 times.

-She spins in circles squealing "wheeeeeeeee!" Not sure where she picked that up!

-She repeats EVERYTHING we say.

-She talks in phrases and sentences - "sit in the chair," "Off the the bed," "Daddy go to work," and my favorite, "Mommy, read book, please, please."

- When she starts to whine and fuss because we aren't responding, she stops herself and says, "ask nicely." I guess she's learning something! And then she usually does ask nicely, which makes it VERY hard to say, "No!"

She is such a big girl!

Child Care

So, with my new ministry pursuits, we are starting to look into more childcare options. I've been utilizing a "Mom's Morning Out" program at a local church that has been good, but ideally, I'd be able to have a full time day-care one or two days a week. That way, I could focus all my projects outside of home on those days instead of running all around town constantly. But, Mom's Morning Out is convenient and cheap, so that is a consideration. There is also a drop-in childcare center that I've used, but she can only stay there for four hours and I pick her up before nap time. Now that I'm working with schools, I need more freedom during and after school hours. I can work with what I have, but we are checking into some other options in town so that I can at least see what is out there.

I'm a bit torn because I feel like I shouldn't want to send Sprout away. I also know she could get so much out of a structured preschool type program. She's such a little sponge and I know she would love it. Of course, she's way too young for any actual preschool programs, so I feel like actual daycare is the next best thing.

So, we're just exploring right now. We'll see what we find and whether it will work for our family.

Wisdom Teeth

Well, yesterday was fun. I got my three wisdom teeth removed. (I was only born with three, fortunately). One began cutting before my regular dentist appointment 6 months ago, so they decided to wait and watch until my latest cleaning when they decided that it would have to come out because it was creating a food trap that could easily get infected. Ick. So, to the oral surgeon I went, where they convinced me that I should just have them all removed.

So, yesterday was pretty rough and today I'm super sore, but managing. Luckily my husband is home today taking care of Sophia and I. And it's time for me to take another painkiller and go back to sleep.

Update on Me

So, you hopefully read what Sprout was up to in my last post, but I've been up to some pretty interesting things myself.

I started volunteering at my old school, helping out an 8th grade math teacher. I have also started a new outreach ministry at my church to an inner city middle school near the church. We have adopted the school as a "Partner in Education," have organized a clothing and supply drive and are working to get volunteers for End of Grade testing in the next few weeks. We are really seeking to develop a relationship with the school so that we can support them in all sorts of ways.

I began the outreach ministry project as one of the first steps to seeking ordination as a Deacon in the Episcopal Church. In our tradition, a deacon is an ordained minister whose main purpose is to connect the needs of the community, especially the poor, the sick, and the lonely, to the people of the church. It is a call that has been on my heart for a long time. I first considered it several years ago, but I feel strongly that now is the time to really start down the path.

There is a long journey to ordination. The first steps involve a lot of paperwork. I had to meet with my priest several times, develop this ministry, and write a "spiritual autobiography," which was an interesting exercise and I recommend it to anyone seriously thinking about how God might be calling them. Now, with the priests recommendation, I am meeting with a "discernment committee" within my congregation. In a few weeks, they will decide whether to support my call. If they do, they will present it to the church Vestry (like a board or a council).

If the vestry also supports me, I will meet with the bishop of our diocese. If he is supportive, I go through a bunch more paperwork and eventually meet with a special Committee on Ministry in the fall that will make the final recommendation about whether to admit me as a "postulant." After that there are more steps, including classes, and ministry work for at least three years (maybe more if we are blessed with another baby in the process), before ordination.

It's a little complicated, but very exciting to me and something I feel very strongly about. I'd talk more, but my munchkin has decided that today is not a good napping day, so I'd better go give her hugs!

Long overdue Sprout update

So, our Lenten fast is over and Easter was a big celebration. I have to say, being away from the Internet was a good thing overall. Let me fill you in a bit on Sprout.

She is still talking like crazy and expanding her vocabulary daily. On Easter, in church she learned "Alleluia!" and said it loudly again yesterday which was crazy adorable.

She says "I love you!" unprompted now and gives big hugs.

She sings! "Baa Baa Black Sheep," her alphabet, and several songs from her KinderMusik class are her favorites. It is so much fun to hear her singing and try to figure out what song it is.

There is so much more, but those are the biggest things on my mind right now. I've been up to a lot, too, and hopefully I'll have time soon to write about it all. I hope everyone had a joyous Easter and is enjoying the beautiful spring!

Lent , My Grandma, and Things I Don't Want to Forget

So, DH and I decided to give up most internet for Lent. We are taking Sundays off (since technically, they are not part of the 40 days of Lent). Perhaps that's cheating, but we are okay with that. Basically, we were allowing the Internet to take up too much of our time and attention and wanted to put that time and attention in other places - Sprout, each other, our hobbies. It's been tough, but I think it's been positive for us so far. Of course, I've spent too much of today (Sunday) online, but at least I've been pursuing other things the rest of the week. And when I miss being online, it is the perfect opportunity to step back, remember the real purpose of Lent, reflect, pray, and refocus on what is important. Just thought I'd clue you in since I haven't been posting regularly. And I can't say that I will manage to even post on Sundays, especially since we will be traveling for the next couple of weeks. But I'll pop in from time to time and let you know how things are going.

Sprout is fantastic. She continues to amaze. We took a trip to New Jersey so that she could see her Great Grandmother. She was very ill at the beginning of the year and we didn't think she would make it much longer, but she has bounced back beautifully. She is staying in a nursing home now. I used to feel sad when I heard that, but she loves it! She has other people to talk to and talk about and isn't so lonely and isolated. She is such a smart woman and her mind is still as sharp as ever. She seems so much happier than the last time I saw her and is getting around and feeling great. She had a wonderful time with Sprout and Sprout was a super traveler. We are very blessed to have celebrated her 91st birthday together and if all goes well, we will probably make another trip to visit over the summer sometime.

Sprout has, indeed been as busy as ever:

She is stacking her Little People alphabet blocks and can make towers 4 or 5 blocks high.

She knows all of her letters and numbers 0-10 except she won't try to say "W." She LOVES pointing out letters wherever we go. I think I'm going to find her some things with lower case letters on them since she seems confused by them. I still can't believe my 17 month old is doing this. If someone told me this about their child I wouldn't believe them.

Speaking of things you won't believe - she also counts. If I start by saying "one," she will say "two" and we can swap off all the way through "10." She does get mixed up sometimes between 7 and 10, but Wow! It's crazy.

AND yesterday, she started trying to say the alphabet. I thought that's what she was doing in the car. Then, I started the song and stopped periodically and she filled in the letter that was next. How crazy is that??

Don't get too amazed. She also tries to eat rocks and drink out of the dog's dish.

She is putting two words together now. She will tell us when she's done with something or narrate when we are cleaning up: "books away, blocks away, cup away, tray away, etc." She also tells me she wants her "shirt on" or "socks off."

She is also becoming a toddler. Asserting her independence and throwing tantrums. It's not too bad yet, but I can see shadows of things to come and it's a little scary!

Things I Don't Want to Forget

Sprout now says "goodnight." Very clearly. It melts my heart.

We traveled to New Jersey and she was amazing for the 12 hour drive. She got a little fussy here and there, but nothing like I was expecting. I'm a proud mama.

She actually used a 2 word phrase today! "Light off" while pointing to the light (that was off).

She is scared of the letter "J" block. Have I mentioned this? She will play with all of the others, but she won't touch the J. If you try to show it to her or give it to her she starts fussing and crying. She will point to and identify the letter J in her alphabet books, but that block - forget it. It is very strange and I so wish that I could get in her little head and figure out what was going on, because it is very strange.

Things I Don't Want to Forget

Sprout has another cold. So far, she seems in good spirits and no fever, so hopefully it will pass quickly.

Her aunt brought her a stuffed pig this week. If you hold the paw down it makes all sorts of fun snorting sounds. She loooves it. And yesterday in her car seat she was imitating that pig. She grunted and everything. So funny!

At church on Sunday, when DH brought her back from the nursery for communion, she just kept looking at the hymnals and prayer books, and bulletins, and kept saying, "Book! book! book!" She was so excited. And all the people in the pews around us were trying desperately to keep from laughing out loud

Among her new words: Walk, broccoli (which she pronounces correctly), owl, bear, flakes (for snowflakes), hungry

She knows almost all of her letters. She mixes up E and F, M and W, and B and D. But that's it.

She recognizes her numbers 1 to 10. And she points them out all over the place. She also usually knows what comes next if I count, especially 1 to 5.

She is starting to recognize her colors.

I'm so proud of my little girl!

On Stage

Now that Sprout is doing and saying so much more, it is becoming even more obvious that she is watching everything we do. And it makes me realize how important it is to set a good example. But I don't always do it. I've been trying really hard, but we all have bad habits, right?

I bite my nails. I play with my phone too much. I am doing better, but still don't always make the best food choices. But now it's not just about me. I'm teaching Sprout with every thing I do. And it makes me painfully aware that I will teach her some things that aren't what I would want for her. I hope those things are few, but none of us are perfect. And I will cause her pain. I've made mistakes and not always been the mom I want to be, but as she grows older, she will remember those times that I snapped at her or didn't treat her the way I should have. She will develop habits and ideas about herself and the world based on my own flaws.

I pray that the good will outweigh the bad. I pray that she will see and learn respect and compassion for others, and herself. That she will see us live what we believe and profess and seek to do the same. That she will forgive us for our imperfections and that we will have a close, positive relationship for many, many years. But sometimes I fear that I will mess it up.

Valentine's Day Weekend

We'd been planning a getaway for awhile. We were supposed to go away for an overnight in January, but then my grandmother got sick, so we just had a few hours to go see a show (which was great, but not the same). My mom came this weekend, though, and DH and I set out for Charleston. We didn't purposely choose the weekend of Valentine's Day. It just happened to be the weekend that DH had Friday off (because he was on-call on Thursday). When we realized that it was Valentine's Day, he decided to really do it up.

We stayed in a swanky hotel where the complementary breakfast was served directly to the room. The service was amazing. We had dinner at two fancy restaurants. We took a private carriage tour. We slept in Saturday and Sunday. We actually talked. To each other. Like those long conversations about nothing and everything. It was wonderful.

Sprout had a blast with her Grandma. I think they were both worn out because she has been napping better ever since! And we both still feel a lot better about life, I think. We needed it as individuals and as a couple.

Things I Don't Want to Forget

Sprout never ceases to amaze...

1. Yesterday, we were walking through Target. She pointed at a big price sign and said "six." It was, indeed a six. How cool is that? And she recognizes letters and numbers all over the place.

2. Did I mention that she is scared of the letter block with the letter "J"? She loves all the rest, but if you pull out the "J" block she starts fussing and crying. Strange kid.

3. She keeps adding words like crazy to her vocabulary. Among the new entries this week: Grandma (ga-ma), cucumber, sweater.

4. It's finally been warm enough to play outside and she loves it. She loves investigating leaves and grass and rocks. It's fascinating to just sit and watch her.

5. DH bought her a big ball this week and she loves it. It's so funny watching her carry around this huge blue ball everywhere.

6. If I ask her to go get a specific book, she almost always does it.

7. She is trying to turn somersaults on her own. It's always a big flop, but makes her laugh.

8. I cannot get her to leave any kind of hair clip in for more than about 5 minutes. But her hair is getting long and hangs in her face. She looks like a sheep dog. But, I don't want to cut her hair. She will wear hats, though, so she wears them a lot! She looks so cute with a little bow in her hair, but you have to look quickly!

Things I Don't Want to Forget

What an exciting week! Okay, not really. Sprout is finally feeling better, so we've gotten out of the house. Hopefully, she didn't pick up something new in the process.

1. Her language continues to explode. We've stopped keeping track of her words for the most part. Among her new favorites: bra, blocks, camera, monkey, car, jar, lion, kite.

2. She is learning her letters! How crazy is that? I bought her some blocks with alphabet letters on them. After a few days she started naming letters. I was floored. She can say at least 10 of them and recognizes even more if you ask her to find them. I also got her a number puzzle and she knows a bunch of them, too. I'm so proud of her!

3. She continues to love the game where she runs around the couch and we surprise her. Sometimes, though, she likes to purposely fall down and laugh hysterically in the process. DH laughed once at her and said "safe!" because she looked like she was diving for home. So now, every time she does it, she says, "afe!" How funny is that?

4. She also loves to just suddenly put her head down on the floor like she's doing the downward-facing-dog. She does it a lot when she's getting tired, like she just needs a little break.

Love this girl. She is so much fun!

Things I Don't Want to Forget

I'm only a day late this week :)

Sprout has been sick again. On Monday, she started feeling bad and running a fever again. Sure enough, her ears are either still infected or infected again and this time, they were even worse. So, we switched to a new antibiotic and luckily, she seems to be feeling a lot better. I hope it keeps up!

Did I tell you that she recognizes the letter "B"? She pointed it out at a fabric store this week, even. I am surprised, for sure!

She has a book of cats that she got for Christmas. She points at every single cat and says "at" or "cat," except for one cat that she apparently thinks looks like an owl because she points at it and says, "hoot! hoot!"

She knows "circle," "square," and "oval." She knows other shapes if you ask her, but she doesn't say the words yet.

She loves playing with her grandma by running around the couch and surprising her. They have a blast together.

She claps every time she hears a toilet flush.

New words, grandma (a-ma), peas, carrot (a-ot), bowl, plate, fork, cup. I'm sure there are more, too. She is crazy with the vocabulary. We are past 60 now on the word list and are soon going to have to stop keeping track.

She started helping me clean up before nap time and bedtime. She brings her books to put them on her shelf and knows where certain toys go and will put them away. Love it!

She is trying to blow her nose! She doesn't quite have it all down yet, but she loves to grab a tissue and try.

Just loving my snuggle-bug!

Things I Don't Want to Forget

And we are once again in the "Better Late than Never" category!

-Sprout was sicker than she has ever been this week. She had a fever about a week and a half ago and some cold symptoms, but seemed to be on the mend. Then, BAM! Sunday night she was miserable. She was screaming. She had goop coming out of her eye. She had a fever of 102.5. And Dr.DH was on call and at the hospital. What good is living with a pediatrician if he's not there when your baby is sick? :) Anyway, he told me that the eye goop was a sign of an ear infection (who knew?), so we took her to the doctor the next day and she did indeed have TWO infected ears. So, we started a new antibiotic and I spent the week nursing my miserable girl back to health. She stayed miserable until Thursday when she finally started perking up. Now, she's still a bit snotty, but mostly back to normal.

-She has a love/hate relationship with barrettes and hair clips. She pulls them out constantly and then immediately wants them back in her hair. Her hair is starting to look shaggy, but I don't want to cut it, so we play this game all day long to keep it out of her face. It was even worse this week when her eyes were gooping and it got all in her hair. Gross!

-Her vocabulary continues to amaze me. We have now surpassed 50 words on her word list. New on her word list: Heart, star, corn, o's (for Cheerios), ear, goose.

-And her almost-words: she says "gee-nay" for "penguin" and "see-nay" for "elephant." She knows what she's saying, but they don't quite resemble the real work enough for me to count them.

-She absolutely floored me yesterday. I was changing her diaper on a plastic changing table in a restaurant. There were some instructions in raised plastic and she pointed to the number "4" and said, "four" (well, "fo"). I was stunned. We read counting books all the time and, in one of them, she has been pointing to the four and naming it, but I assumed she only knew it on the page of that book. For her to see a tiny 4 in a completely different context and recognize it, was pretty exciting for this proud mama!

-She also recognizes and says the letter "B" in one of her alphabet books. We'll see if she starts pointing that out anywhere else.

My silly, smart girl continues to amaze me. Such a trooper through illness and continuing to learn so much. It's hard to believe that this time last year, we were so upset and concerned that she wouldn't smile or interact with us at all. And now, she isn't a baby anymore. She is a little girl with her own ideas and personality. I'm so grateful to be on this journey with her!

Weight Loss Update

I'm down a pound and a half and, for the first time in a long time, my weight is in the "healthy weight range." I'm pretty proud of myself, I have to admit, because it's been such a long road, but I've kept with it. I'm not done yet. I'm at the very top of that range, and I'd like to be a little closer to the middle of it. I need some wiggle room. And I kinda want to weight less than DH. That may be silly, but it's true.

Things I Don't Want to Forget

What does a monkey say? "Ooooo, ah, ah!" Soooo cute!

When you ask her if she's hungry, she says, "food." Except that she draws it out and adds a quiver in her voice so it's more like, "foooooooood" and anyone who saw her performance would think we starved the poor girl.

Speaking of "foooooooood," the girl will eat anything when she's in the right mood. She was picking the raw onions out of her chicken couscous salad last night and eating them. Crazy stuff. And spicy is not problem at all. I always think she will balk, but she sucks it down.

As expected, she screamed through most of her 15 month check up. She weighs in at 32.5 inches long (95th percentile) and 23 pounds (55th percentile). So she's bulking up a bit. She's jumped up quite a bit in the weight category. Like I said, the girl likes to eat! Still long and lean, though.

We had a play date today and both kids wanted to play with a small beach ball. Her friend REALLY wanted it. He would throw it and she would go get it. He would promptly scream because she had it. She would smile, run around the couch with it, come back and hand it to him sweetly. It was a cute game, but I think she enjoyed it more than her pal.

And the absolute best thing to happen this week came yesterday. When I put her down in bed for the night and said, "I love you," just like I always do, she said "iiiiiioveu" or something like that. My heart melted. And she's done it a couple of times today, too. So special.

My New Adventure

With the new year, I decided that it was time to start something new. I've been thinking and praying for quite some time about my next steps and I believe that I'm called to the Diaconal Ministry in my church. In the Episcopal Church, a Deacon is an ordained position, requiring a lot of education and training. It will probably take me a year or so to even become an official candidate and then at least another three years of training and education before ordination.

The role of a Deacon is to serve the community, to bring the needs of the community into the church, and lead the church in response to those needs. I have to discern a specific call to ministry, but eventually will take on a larger roll. It is not a full time or paid position, but definitely a serious commitment. One of the advantages to not having to work now is that I can devote the time and energy to serving others.

I feel like I've been lacking in this area for quite some time, though. I've been so wrapped up in myself and my baby (and before that, my job, which certainly was a ministry in itself). But I've always known that serving others was important to my life, indeed, it's purpose. It's the thing that drew me into education and drew me to Africa and other under served communities. I know that I'm not meant to be a full time teacher right now, but I am still called to serve in a big way. And so, I'm starting the journey. I'm just talking to lots of people right now. Nothing formal. Maybe I'll determine that now isn't the right time, but for now, I'm moving forward.

Weight Loss Update

So I posted a few times at the beginning of my journey with Weight Watchers. There have been plenty of ups and downs along the way, but over the last 8 months or so, I've lost 45 pounds. I have a half a pound to go before I'm officially in a healthy weight range. I'm not sure how long I'll keep going after that. I'm so proud of myself for getting to this point, even though it has taken so long. I'm glad that DH and I decided to make these changes for our family.

And it's good timing, because we plan to officially start TTC this month. Just waiting on my period. We haven't been avoiding for some time, but the biological clock is a-tickin', so I'll be pulling out thermometers and OPKs soon. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. I was really hoping for a surprise before it came to that, but so it goes! I'm so happy that I'll start any new pregnancy in a much better place than my last one.

Things I Don't Want to Forget

Just because I skipped a week doesn't mean Sprout hasn't been busy. We've both been pretty sick and are finally getting back into the swing of things.

She is still talking like crazy! She adds new words every day. "star," "goose," "toes," and "teeth" are among her most recent additions. Our official refrigerator word count has 36 words on it, but I know we are missing some. Craziness.

Oh, one more word, "uck!" She says it when she has a poopy diaper. I guess I say "yuck" a lot when changing her diaper. So, instead of poo, it's "uck." Love it.

And she has learned "flag" and "frog." The problem is that when she says either they sound a lot like a very different four letter word that begins with "F." We were in church on Sunday and during the processional, DH pointed out the flags. I shot a look at him and we were both worried she was going to show off her new word, but she didn't. She was too mesmerized by all of the other distractions. It would have been a funnier story that way, though.

She started clapping again! She learned how to clap and did it all the time for awhile and then just stopped. I guess she thought she was over it. Now, we sing "When You're Happy and You Know It" and she claps her hands in the appropriate places.

Speaking of music, she is following along a lot of songs these days and doing the hand motions. It is so nice to know that she really has been paying attention all those months of silly singing I've done! "The Wheels on the Bus" is her favorite. She has a board book with the song in it and she brings it to me about 20 times a day to sing/read. Now, sometimes, she reads it to herself and tries to do the hand motions. It's so cute to see her "bumpity-bumping." Her favorite is "shh, shh, shh."

She has finally started giving hugs and kisses, mostly to her daddy since he has been working harder at teaching her.

Our newest project is working on her learning to feed herself with a spoon. It's messy, but she's making progress. We hadn't worked on it at all until last week, but it's time, I suppose.

She has her 15 month check-up today and she's every bit a 15 month old, so we are expecting a lot of screaming. Hopefully, she will behave herself!