Tough Times

So many people around me are going through some really tough stuff.  I've had a really heavy heart.

In our own lives, our struggle to conceive is starting to loom larger and larger.  I will likely be scheduling my HSG within the week.  Then we have to decide whether to go forward with treatment and when we will start.  It's keeping me up at night because I have a lot of conflicting thoughts and ideas and emotions about all of this.

Last night, the hubby and I cuddled, crying and talking about how unfair it all is - his siblings and all their "oops" babies, the middle school nurse talking about the number of kids getting pregnant, all the, umm, interesting parents he sees during a day of work.  It's nothing I haven't thought or felt before and certainly nothing strange to anyone who has faced infertility or loss, but it's just feeling so much bigger right now.  It's hard for me to think about much else.

Of course, it also makes us even more grateful for the miracle that is our Sprout.  It seems that she came into our lives against all odds and continues to amaze and inspire us every day.

And so I hurt for the dear friend still struggling to have her first child, for the friend going through a divorce with two young children, for friends experiencing other heartaches and losses.

I'm thankful for the love and support around me and for all the joy in my life.  But my heart is heavy today.  And I think that's okay, perhaps even necessary, so that I can find the strength and energy to face whatever may be ahead and be there to support the people I love.

Perfect Day

Cuddling in bed, reading books.
Keeping our pajamas on until lunch time.
Playing, singing, laughing, reading.
Tea parties and block towers.
A long nap for my girl and I.
Practicing Eskimo kisses.
An old friend from out of town for a spaghetti dinner.
Splashes in the bathtub and only smiles during tooth brushing.
Listening to a dramatic recitation of Harry the Dirty Dog after lights out.

Didn't get much accomplished, but there will be plenty of time for chores another day.
Because today was perfect just as it was.

TTC and me

So, it's been well over a year since we started trying to conceive our second child.  It took us about a year to conceive Sophia, so I really didn't start getting concerned until after the one year mark.  But, the time has come to look into what is going on and what we can do about it.

I had some simple blood tests done in the last couple of weeks and DH had an SA - everything was normal, so my OBGYN suggested seeing an RE.  He said that if I were younger, he might try a few things locally first, but since I'm no spring chicken, he felt better having us go directly to a specialist.  Fun times!

Unfortunately, the closes REs are about an hour away, so this will add complications!  Anyway, I met with an RE this week and really liked her.  I'll be having an HSG during my next cycle.  She didn't expect that to show anything, since I've already had a successful pregnancy, but wanted to make sure.  The following cycle, we are probably going to have a medicated, timed intercourse cycle.  This means that I will have the same drug protocol as an IUI patient, but we will not do the insemination, we will just be intructed how to carefully time our intercourse.

The good news is that everything will be covered by my insurance (in differing percentages).  If we were to go to IUI, nothing would be covered at all and given my history and all of our test results, the RE didn't think IUI would give us much better odds than timed intercourse.

I'm still a little leary of all of this stuff.  I am scared of all the drugs and the emotional and physical toll this can all have.  I am holding out hope that we will get pregnant on our own in the next couple of cycles so that I can avoid all of it!  I'm not even sure I want to do this, but I so want another child.  It's not an easy thing for me to think about.

So keep us in your thoughts as we begin our journey into IF and all it entails.

And as a little bonus, here's a silly picture of our little girl.  She's gotten so big!