Difficult week (and a few pictures)

Okay, here are a few pictures that I've snapped on my iPhone over the last couple of weeks. They may not be as good as DH's photos, but hopefully they'll hold you over. She's awfully cute, isn't she? I know I'm not biased or anything.

Lots of ups and downs this week. Sophia is great. She keeps growing and interacting more. She loves her play mat and is starting to figure out that she can move. She seems only interested in rolling halfway (to her side), but thinks it's awfully cool. She definitely found her voice and coos and chats to her imaginary friends. It's the cutest thing ever.

Of course, she's also learning to assert her independence, which leads to some frustration. Getting her to take naps, especially in the afternoons has been a real challenge. I haven't figured out any secrets yet. We finally got her to go down around 6:30 tonight, which is way late. So now, I don't know what to do. Do I wake her up and give her a bath and feed her? Do I just let her sleep and see what happens? I have no idea.

We had a terrible reflux day on Tuesday. When that happens, she latches on the the breast, eats a little while and then stops suddenly, arches her back, and screams. She often tries to take my nipple with her. It's awful. I feel terrible for her when it happens. I have no idea what caused it. She's at the maximum dose of her medication, and she was much better the next day. Wednesday, the reflux was better, but she must have hit some kind of growth spurt or my supply was off because she wanted to eat all day long. She didn't sleep at all and just wanted to stay attached.

Which leads to the next bit of bad news - it looks like there's another blister forming. I was so sure I was going to stay blister free after buying expensive bras and taking really good care of things. Apparently not. I'm so frustrated that I don't know what to do. I'll see how bad it gets. Between the reflux day and that constant feeding day, I guess it was too much. I love breastfeeding when I'm not in constant pain. I don't want to give up, but if this round is as bad as the last one, I don't know if I can take it. I was seriously ready to ditch the Advil and go for the leftover percocet. It was that bad. Maybe I can pump through the worst of it and then go back to breastfeeding? I don't know, but it makes me sad. It's no big deal today. I'm just dreading what comes next.

DH and I have been trying to alternate going to the YMCA to work out. I usually just walk on their indoor track. I put on my noise-cancelling headphones and play good music. It's such a nice escape. I'm a little frustrated because DH is supposed to be there now, but he's working on a computer project instead. I just made sure he understood that I was still taking my day to go tomorrow. We agreed to work harder at being healthy, but sometimes I really feel like I'm the only one willing to follow through.

And the biggest thing I'm bummed about is that we have tickets to see a show this weekend, but it's in the city 2 hours away. My mom is set to come babysit and we get to have a date. I've been looking forward to it for weeks. The weather, however, may ruin our plans. Wintry mix is expected late Friday night into Saturday morning. Saturday's high is supposed to be 30 degrees, which means roads will be bad. My mom has to drive an hour and a half to get here, too. It's looking more and more like it may not happen. I will cry if we have to cancel. I'm almost ready to cry now. I don't think I can express how much DH and I need time away together right now.

On the bright side, he booked a hotel for Valentine's weekend, since he happens to have a three day weekend. We'll be taking Sophia with us, but a weekend at the beach sounds awfully nice.

So motherhood is wonderful and painful and amazing and frustrating. I love my little girl so much, though, and I truly can't imagine life without her. Now, do I let her sleep or wake her up?

Bad Blogger

So, I'm not so sure about this blog thing anymore. I'm terrible at it. I promise pictures, but never post any, because they're all on DH's computer. Sorry about that. I check all my email from my iPhone while I'm nursing or rocking Sophia, and blogging from there is not really possible. When I do get to the computer, I spend the few minutes I have reading and catching up on everyone else's blogs. By the time I think about updating my own, there is something (or someone) else calling. Should I even bother anymore?

Even now, I'm bouncing Sophia in her bouncy seat and feeling guilty for not interacting with her. Though she is having a ball trying to grasp the little animals hanging from the seat. She's just figuring out how to do that and it's so cute. Look! She has the hippo now and made the lion play music! I have to admit, I never really understood how mom's could get so excited about such things, but now that I'm there, I totally get it. Every new development is so exciting and special. Sometimes I'm humbled by the enormity of it - all the new beginnings. The first time she rolled over (she's only done it once still, but that's okay), the first time she smiled or cooed, or grabbed the lion on her bouncy seat. They are all steps toward becoming her own person and I get teary just thinking about it. I guess I'm a softie after all.

Breastfeeding is still tough. Sophia's doing great, latching like a champ, eating well. My nipples, on the other hand keep getting blisters on them. They are unbelievably painful. They are actual friction blisters, not the little milk ones (which are also painful). The last round has been especially difficult and slow to heal. Yesterday, I ended up pumping and bottle feeding Sophia because it hurt so bad. It's a little better today, but as the blisters heal, they leave cracked, broken skin behind, so I'm on to that stage. Yesterday, it looked like I might have the beginnings of an infection, so I started with neosporin after every feeding and I have ridiculous plastic nipple shells to protect them.

I really think it's a bra issue. I saw the LC about it before and she said the latching was great. I've been sleeping in a pre-pregnancy bra to keep things in place and one day I slept in a target nursing bra and had blisters forming the next day. I ordered a Bravado nursing bra (I can't believe I spent that much on a bra), and it's fabulous. I've been wearing it everyday except when I'm washing. I'm ordering 2 more. I REALLY hope this solves the problem. I think I'm going to go see the LC again when I get healed up and actually make her watch an entire nursing session to be sure that there's nothing going on there. I don't want to wait until round 5 to find out I was wrong about the bra thing. I told my husband last night that I didn't know how long I'd be able to continue if it didn't get better. It's not supposed to be this painful 3 months in.

There are a million more things to say, but Sophia is now starting to nod off and I'd rather she slept in her crib than the bouncy seat because she'll stay asleep longer, so I'm going to tend to her. Thanks for reading.

3 Months and I'm a Slacker

That baby of mine sure does eat up a lot of time. She's wonderful, though, and doing great. She's starting to smile more in the mornings, which makes her daddy and me happy. She found her hands and chews on them constantly. She's interacting more and has found her voice, so she coos and talks to me. It's the best.

Unfortunately, she has a cold. It's made her a bit cranky, but she's handling it well. She's still sleeping at night (praise be!), but has a hard time during the day. Her coughing wakes her up. We seem to be on the downhill now. Her cough is better today, but she's extra snotty and draining a lot.

She was baptized on Sunday and was beautiful. She behaved very well and just stared at the priest when he poured water on her head. I'll have to post pictures soon of her in the the amazing gown that my mom made for her. She worked really hard on in and it's gorgeous. I hope we'll be able to use it for future children and that it will be in the family for a very long time.

But now it seems that she's awake again, so I'd better attend to her hungry belly. Nursing is going so much better. I think the nipple blisters were caused by my bras. No more sports bras for me. I need something that keeps things still and doesn't rub. I just have to find something better to sleep in than regular bras I was wearing during pregnancy. I ordered a couple, so hopefully something will work. Those blisters are incredibly painful!