Nurture Shock

Nurture Shock: New Thinking about Children

by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman

I started reading this book awhile ago, but I finally finished it this week. It is basically an analysis of some of the latest research about issues involved in raising and educating children. It is fascinating to read about all of the different scientific studies that often point to results drastically different than we might expect. A few tidbits:

1. Children who are constantly told that they are "smart" are less likely to excel. Since they believe that they achieved things easily because they were smart, when they are challenged, they are more likely to give up.

2. Children do not learn tolerance or acceptance just because they are put in heterogeneous situations or exposed to children of different backgrounds and races. Parents and other caregivers need to explicitly talk to their children about race if they want their kids to learn that message.

3. In adolescence, kids who argue with their parents actually rate their relationships better than kids who don't argue. Arguing can be constructive because it is seen that a parent respects the child enough to engage and listen. (Please remind me of this when Sprout turns 12).

4. There was a stronger correlation between educational television and relational aggression in pre-school kids (bossiness, name calling, refusing to let someone play, etc.), than there was a correlation between violent television and physical aggression.

5. In encouraging language development in babies and toddlers, it's way more important to respond when your baby makes sounds than it is to expose them constantly to more words.

I could go on all day and I encourage you to read the whole book. I feel like I will think about things differently after reading it and, in my opinion, that's a sign of a good read. I may not agree with every conclusion, but it has given DH and I some definite food for thought and I think I'll be re-reading a few chapters as Sprout grows up.

If you do read it, hop by and let me know what you think.

Weight Loss update

So, things weren't going well for a couple of weeks and I was getting discouraged, especially since I was really getting going with exercise and felt like I didn't have much to show for it. Well, it seems that I've turned a corner! I lost 4 pounds this week. I have now lost over 25 pounds. I have quite a way to go still, but I'm feeling better about things, for sure. It's been a little tough for me lately, so I'm glad to see something positive happen!

Baby Super Powers

Sophia has some amazing super powers. Here are just a few:

1. Her amazing super-human vision allows her to quickly find the tiniest speck of plastic/paper/food left on an otherwise clean floor.

2. Her body is magnetically drawn to the most dangerous thing in any room.

3. Her super-speed allows her to get to the tiny specks and objects of danger way before her parents (who are watching her) are able to intervene.

4. She can read minds. She knows exactly how far she can push the envelope when refusing to nap or protesting whatever injustice has occurred. She then knows the moment to stop and smile and hug her mommy so that she won't lose her mind. Seriously, one second more, and that would be it.

5. She has begun performing Jedi mind tricks. She just looks at you all sweet, but it's a trick. She grabs one finger (awwwww) and then the other hand and then, bam! She pulls up and she's got you stuck. It's time to walk.

6. She somehow takes the small amount of food she eats and converts it into 3-4 very full diapers daily. Scientists need to study this phenomenon for sure. It may solve the energy crisis.

7. Speaking of poop, we just learned this morning that her poo is a great moisturizer. (At least that's what we're telling ourselves after finding her rolling in it, eating it and getting pretty messy ourselves trying to clean it up.)

There are, of course, many more, but we can't tell all her secrets. And I'm sure she will reveal more as she grows.

What are your babies' super powers?

Visions of a little girl

So, today, as I walked with Sprout around the house in her little pants and long t-shirt, I caught a glimpse of the little girl that she is becoming. I had flashes of her running about the house, running to her daddy when he comes home from work, bringing me a book to read. I thought a lot about having a baby, but I don't know that I've spent a lot of time wondering about having children. It's a whole new world that I'm entering and I'm excited and nervous and wondering if I'm up to the task.

And this morning, DH came home from a long night of overnight call and Sprout looked up from across the room, gave him a huge smile and came barreling over at full crawl-speed. Melts my heart - and I think it put her daddy in a much better mood :)

Things I don't want to forget

1. DH took Sprout outside while it was raining. He stood on the porch and she stretched her hand out to feel the rain. She was in awe. The look of wonderment still makes me all warm and fuzzy.

2. Sprout loves her books. Given the choice between a toy and a book, she almost always picks a book. She sits with it and turns the pages and reads to herself. She has a book of baby faces in the car. We strap her into her car seat and then hand her the book. She always gets a huge grin on her face and then starts laughing when she opens it up to the first page. She loves that book and thinks it's hilarious!

3. DH got an Ergo carrier last week and has been carrying Sprout on his back. She loves it and they are so cute together. The funniest thing is when little kids don't realize he has a baby until he passes by. One kid turned to his mom and said loudly, "That man has a baby in his backpack!" It's really fun and DH loves the attention, though he'd never admit it.

4. Yesterday, Sprout decided that she didn't need her morning nap, so I picked up fussy pants and brought her downstairs. I started playing the piano to burn off my frustration. She immediately quieted and listened. I haven't played much at all in recent years, but I may have to start again if it quiets a fussy little girl!

5. She pulls up on EVERYTHING now. She was really picky for a long time, but now she just wants to stand up - furniture, pant legs, boxes, baskets that she ends up pulling over on top of herself instead, you name it.

6. She still loves to walk with someone holding her hands, but sometimes, she just wants to get down and crawl so she can go wherever she wants. She is officially in the "into everything" stage and it makes me tired! She is currently investigating my stationary box.

7. She is eating mostly table food and finger food now. She loves to eat. For breakfast this morning, she ate 3/4 of a banana, 3 prunes, and a piece of toast.

8. Sprout has figured out that it's fun to feed the dog her food instead of eating it herself. And she knows she's not supposed to do it. She gives me this mischievous grin and then drops something on the floor for the dog. I have a feeling I'm going to see a lot of that grin in the coming years. And we'll have to start putting the dog outside while we feed Sprout.

9. Every day she looks less and less like a baby and more and more like a little girl. It's wonderful and a little sad all at the same time.

Up

Last night, DH and I made sure we got Sophia in bed by 8:00. We'd kind of been stretching her bedtime to closer to 8:30. After some talking this weekend, we decided that we'd all be happier if we went back to 8:00. She's plenty tired, but it makes a jaunt to walk at the mall (which we've beeen trying to do since it's been too hot and humid to walk outside) a little more difficult. However, it does give us a little more time in the evenings, which we both seem to need.

So, last night, she got snuggled into bed and we watched a movie - Up. So sad. I'm not sure if it's good when a movie makes you cry in the first 10 minutes. But it was really sweet and cuddling with DH on the couch was nice, too. We need to do stuff like that more often.

What is so hard?

I wonder that sometimes. Why is being a mom so difficult? Especially now that Sprout is older, there is really very little in my day that is actually that tough. She's feeding well most of the time. Her tears are usually calmed fairly quickly. She sleeps well (knock on wood). And yet, I find myself so overwhelmed sometimes. By what, exactly? It's not hard to do the dishes or play with Sprout or wash the diapers. It's not even that hard to take her out shopping anymore. But it still feels like I'm drowning sometimes and just can't keep up. I wonder how working moms even survive when I'm home all day and can't manage to keep the house clean.

Someone reminded me yesterday that I didn't quit my job to be a housekeeper. I did it to be a mom and I needed to devote myself to that. Okay, that sounds great, but I often feel like I don't do that very well either. Shouldn't I be doing more? Should I be reading more? Playing with different things? Researching new activities? Taking her on more trips? Maybe I'm just in a funk, but I just can't help thinking that I'm continually failing where other moms seem to have it all together and I really can't figure out why.

10 Month Photo Shoot

Reading a story to her giraffe

See ya later, alligator!

Ape Face

We went by DH's office and weighed her last week and it looks like she's about 18 pounds. We didn't make her strip since it wasn't an official weigh in, so it's not super accurate. We tried a photo shoot the same day, but she wasn't into it. Luckily, she was a little happier over the weekend. I can't believe how big she's getting and how she's changing from a baby into a little girl. It's a miracle to watch every day with her.

My Mom

So, growing up, my mom and I didn't get along at all. She was very angry and emotionally abusive at times. However, once she and my father finally divorced, she went on anti-depressants for awhile, lost a bunch of weight, started dating, and found her current husband, she became a different woman. He is an odd bird, for sure, but I'm happy he is in our lives because my mom is so much happier and more agreeable!

Anyway, about 2 years ago, her husband got a job in a nearby city. After 15 years of living across the country from her, she moved to a house that is an hour and a half drive away. I was really nervous. I mean, we'd grown closer over the years, but it's hard to shake all that childhood trauma and being an hour and a half away is a lot different than when we needed a plane ticket to see each other.

I needn't have worried, though. She has been a fabulous grandma. She loves to smock dresses and make things for Sophia. All I have to do is tell her what she needs and she whips it up. In the last month, she made a crib rail teething cover, a dress, mended a wet bag for the diaper pail, and made new curtains for the nursery. We picked out fabric this week for a birthday dress. Well, she is going to make a dress with a pinafore and we are going to change out the pinafore for birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and maybe Christmas. It's going to be adorable!

She visits about once a week, or I go up and see her so she can have some time with Sophia. She may roll her eyes about some of the things that we do, but she never argues or tries to give much advice. She respects our decisions and never tries to undermine or do things she knows we avoid. She says things that bug me fairly often, but nothing terrible, and don't all moms do that? She babysits and she knows Sophia so well, that I really don't worry about her. I'm nervous to have someone else watch her that doesn't know and love her so well. Sometimes I admit to getting a little jealous, wondering if she oooohed and aaaahed over me that much when I was a baby!

I think I also understand things a little better from my childhood. I think she was really doing her best, but was frustrated and depressed. I'm glad I moved away for college and we had some space because I really enjoy our relationship now. She really is a big support to me and it sometimes amazes me. If you'd told me at age 10 or 15 or even 21 that I'd consider my mom one of my closest friends, I would have assumed you knew nothing about me and my mom or were just crazy.

(PS. She also has an Etsy shop. It's under construction, so I'll probably talk about it again in the future, but check out her stuff! http://www.etsy.com/shop/mayflycreations)

PSA From the Good Dr. DH

Most of my readers know that DH is a pediatrician. I got the following text message from him recently:

"Just diagnosed 2 more cases of pertussis. Tell your blog ladies to get their kids vaccinated!"

His practice has seen quite a few kids with pertussis and it's spreading rapidly all over the country. Not only do your kids need the vaccine, but most adults need a booster, too. If you've had a tetanus booster recently, then you are likely in good shape, but otherwise, you should get another dose. The childhood series is 5 shots. Usually, they are done at 2,4,and 6 months (giving about 50% immunity), then again at 18 months and at around 4 years. A child is not considered fully protected until that last shot, so it's even more important that the adults and older kids around them are protected.

So, that's DH's contribution to my blog this week. Isn't it nice that he cares about all your kids, too? :)

Things I don't want to forget

1. This morning, I was going through our normal nap routine. I always read Sprout a story, then turn on her white noise and turn off the light, rock her and sing her a lullaby, and then put her in her crib. Today she was super tired and fell asleep while I was rocking her. Instead of putting her down, I just held her and watched her sleep. I just breathed her in and looked at her beautiful face. I felt her little twitches and sighs and just held her close. I didn't worry about the laundry or the dishes or the blog post I planned to write while she was asleep. I just enjoyed my little girl. She doesn't let me rock her like that anymore. I know these moments will be gone very soon.

2. Her new silly face this week is the "Gorilla Face." She sticks out her bottom lip and breathes kind of heavy. It is Hi-larious.

3. She is loving her finger food. It makes mealtimes pretty messy, though. Today, I've been picking little pieces of shredded chicken out of her hair since lunch. This morning, I caught her purposefully feeding a piece of baked apricot to our dog.

4. She is definitely learning to test her limits. I am seeing the end of baby days and the beginning of toddler-dom and I'm not sure I like it!

5. DH got a new Ergo and has been carrying Sprout on he back this week. She loooves it. I tried it out, too, and it is so much more comfortable than the other carriers we have. Having her on my back is also much more convenient. She even fell asleep in there yesterday.

6. She reads to herself. She flips through books and talks/babbles. I love, love, love it. One of the best ways to calm her down is to read her a story. I really hope she continues to love books throughout her life.

7. We set a date for her birthday party. But I'm still in denial. How can she possibly be old enough for that?

8. She was kissing me today - big slobbery kisses on my face. Disgusting, but adorable. I do love that little girl. She also is learning the art of the "high five."

It truly is amazing to see her learn new things every day. It's a little scary, too, knowing that she's watching everything we do and starting to imitate us.

As you can see, we've been busy and I'm falling off the blog challenge wagon. I hope I still get credit if I do 2 posts in one day:) I won't have to if I manage to post over the weekend every day. We'll see how that goes!

Exercise Sucess!

I arrived this morning at the YMCA childcare room and one of the ladies has been there every time I brought Sprout. She said that the other lady doesn't have any kids and is really a nervous type. She asked me if I wanted them to let her fuss and cry a little more to see if she would settle down. I was on board with that plan since she was perfectly happy until we walked into the room. She just didn't want me to leave. Little bugger.

The cycling room is right next to the daycare, and I got there and realized I'd forgotten my water bottle. A nice guy from the class went into get it for me so that I didn't have to go in and get her all upset again. She settled in pretty well. The lady said that she was fine most of the time. She had a poopy diaper and every now and then she'd slow down and think about things and fuss a little (she missed her mama!), but was otherwise fine.

So I made it through a cycling class. And I managed to keep up the whole time, too. Yay! Now, the challenge is to stay motivated and hope Sprout continues to cooperate.

YMCA fail

Sprout decided once again that she didn't like the childcare folks at the Y. She did so well the first couple of days we went, but the last two days have been disasters. DH is off tomorrow, so we're planning to take her swimming instead. We'll try the childcare again on Wednesday and maybe I can make it through an entire spin class.

I really want to make this work. I need the exercise and I think it will be good for her, but right now, I'm just a little frustrated. Let's hope she settles in and decides that the nice ladies aren't so bad, even if they aren't mommy.

On another note, I gained half a pound last week. Boo! I was down a pound or two on Friday, but apparently I celebrated a little too much on our big date night. I gotta do better this week. I need to keep moving in the right direction at least.

Girlfriend getaway dilemma

So I have 3 girlfriends from college. We've remained close through the years, despite being scattered about the country. One friend decided that we all needed to get together this year and we all thought it sounded like a great idea and set the ball rolling. Then things got complicated. First, I said I wasn't willing to go without Sprout until at least after her birthday since I'm breastfeeding. So, we set a date a few weeks later. Then, Friend #1 who was organizing it all got pregnant and also has been facing some financial difficulties, so she proposed a more scaled back get-together somewhere cheaper. I was fine with that.

Second girlfriend decides that we MUST go to Vegas and proposes that the rest of us chip in and pay for First friend's hotel as a pre-baby present. No problem. Sounds fun and I can swing the extra cash. Except then I figure out that there are no direct flights from here and it's going to take me 9 hours each way to get to Vegas. For a 3 day weekend, I'll spend 2 days traveling.

So then, we discuss adding an extra day, but I'm really concerned about where I'll be in the weaning process and hate feeling pressured to be done by then, but does it make sense to take a 4 day break? I don't know. I initially planned to be done weaning by her birthday, but I had so many struggles along the way and now it's going so well, so I can see wanting to hang onto a feeding or two for quite some time. I don't want a little getaway to be an influence on that decision.

This is my personal dilemma and doesn't really have to do with anyone else except that girlfriend #2 who decided we had to go to Vegas missed girlfriend #3's wedding shower last year for exactly the same reason - she just didn't want to feel pressure to wean. So it kinda ticks me off that she's the one putting pressure on me to do something she refused to do herself.

So, I'm still planning to go, and I know we'll have a blast, but I'm on the fence about the extra day and I have to research and make sure there aren't any more flight options than I initially found. In the end, I do realize that one extra day probably isn't going to be that big of a deal and I think it's really just hard because I'm having trouble coming to terms with the end of our breastfeeding relationship. I finally enjoy it and suddenly, instead of counting down the days until I can start weaning, I'm sad that we'll be losing some really special moments.

I'm trying

I went to spin class again today. I was still sore from Wednesday, but I went anyway. About halfway through, the childcare folks came to get me because Sprout wouldn't stop fussing. I was glad. I think she could feel my, "I don't think I'm going to make it another half an hour" vibes. I got her in the car and heard her grunting and pooping all the way home. By the time we got there, she felt much better! I'm going to try to make going to the gym part of our daily routine. I hope I enjoy it enough to stick to it.

DH and I are going to a concert tomorrow night. I have to admit that I'm not to excited about it, but we are staying in a hotel for the night and sleeping in on Sunday. I am excited about that. We decided that driving and hour and a half home after a concert was probably not going to be fun. I kind of feel bad that we just left Sophia for a whole weekend and now we're leaving her again, but she doesn't seem to mind, and my mom loves having her, so date night it is!

Things I don't want to forget

Sprout and I have been busy this week!

I never want to forget:

1. Her sour face when she tries a new food. She scrunches up her face so much, you'd think she just sucked on a lemon. Then she promptly eats more. Cracks me up.

2. She was bee-bopping her head imitating her dad this morning. She tries to imitate us all the time - mostly DH.

3. The way she snuggles up and calms down when we sit in our rocker and read a story together.

4. The way she studies things so carefully.

5. How her daddy loves to pick out clothes for her when we go shopping. Lets just say she does not need any more denim jumpers!

6. She learned how to pet the dog instead of grabbing him. It's too cute.

7. The way she waves - just throws her hand up in the air when we say "bye-bye." Sometimes she waves it, sometimes she just looks like she wants to ask to go to the bathroom.

8. Seeing her with her first real pair of shoes.

9. Her new clicking noise. I think she spoke one of those African clicking language in a previous life. She's way more interested in strange sounds than actual language.

10. Her fearlessness and determination- it's inspiring and scary at the same time.

12. Her beautiful grey-blue eyes that look like they might be turning brown with gold flecks around the pupils.

13. The way she reaches for me when she's upset or just wants to be picked up.

Some days are harder than others

I'm not sure why, but yesterday, I really woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I'm sure that it was partially hormonal, but my crabbiness was worse than usual. I was short with Sophia and everything DH did seemed to annoy. Then, my iPhone fell out of my pocket when I went to the bathroom. Yep, plopped into the toilet. I fished it out only to watch it die. It was sad. I officially can no longer tease DH about the time he dropped the hospital pager into the toilet. At least I don't have to go tell my boss about what happened :)

Then, I was writing in my journal last night and just lost it. I was sobbing like crazy. Just feeling like a failure, like I should be able to do better, do more, be a better mom. I'm not a lot better today, but I am a little better, so I guess I just keep trucking.

I did make it to the YMCA this morning. Sprout had a blast in their childcare, but she also had a little foam heart and a piece of paper towel in her mouth when I picked her up, so I'm not sure how closely they were watching her. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt once, probably, because I could see the horror on their faces when I pulled stuff out of her mouth. It looks like they are used to dealing with older kids. Maybe getting out and getting moving will help my general disposition.

30 Day Blog Challenge

Write a new blog post 5 days a week for 6 weeks. Can I do it? I'm not sure, but I'm going to give it a try. I think the official start day is next week, but I might as well get warmed up by blogging a little bit more this week. We'll see how it goes! If you want to join, follow the button on my blog, which will take you to Sarah's awesome blog, Falling for Baby. And let me know you did, especially if I'm not already a follower of your blog, so that I can follow your progress.

Weight Loss

So, I really haven't posted about it here, but DH and I started Weight Watchers back in May. He had a check-up that didn't go well - high blood pressure and cholesterol, and I'm significantly overweight, so it kind of gave us the push we needed to get our acts together. We talked about it for years, but just couldn't make anything stick. Now, things are more serious. We have a little girl who we want to be healthy and not learn our over-eating, couch potato habits. It was clear that we needed some kind of program, so we have been doing Weight Watchers online. When my mom found out we were doing it, she joined, too, so we have our own little group to encourage each other.

I've lost 23 pounds so far. I'm proud of that, but I'm also a little frustrated that it puts me just under my pre-pregnancy weight. So, in some ways, it feels like I'm just starting. The good news, is the clothes I was wearing before I got pregnant are now fitting rather loosely. I'm going to wait a little while to buy a few cold weather slacks and such to get me through the season. It's a long road. I probably need to lose about 40-50 more pounds.

The even better news is that DH (who didn't have nearly as much to lose), is almost to his goal weight. He looks great. His cholesterol and blood pressure are back to normal.

My next challenge is trying to figure out exercise. I need to get something going, but figuring out how to do that has been hard. I think I've decided to try taking a class at the YMCA where we are members and taking Sophia to the childcare there, but I haven't gotten brave enough to go yet. I'm a little self conscious about my out-of-shapeness and I'm nervous about leaving Sophia. I know I need to suck it up and get to it. Maybe this will be my week!

NYC trip and Things I don't want to forget

So, I'm a day late, but our little Sprout has been a busy gal! DH and I had a fabulous getaway last weekend in NYC. Traveling without a baby and all her gear was so luxurious, that getting there really was half the fun. We played scrabble on the plane ate leisurely meals, wandered carelessly, not worrying about schedules. We slept until 10am on Saturday and stayed out late. We saw Mama Mia! on Broadway and had the best cheesecake I've ever eaten at a little restaurant we just happened into on Friday night. It was wonderful and I highly recommend it. Part of me wishes we'd done it sooner, but I'm not sure I was ready to leave my baby. It was incredibly nice to have some extended time to just be a couple again and do the things we loved doing together.

Pumping was tough. I had a really hard time getting a letdown at all with the pump and I only pumped minimally and got very little milk (which was still really hard to dump, so I made DH do it). But, when I got back, she latched on and nursed without and issue and we've been fine ever since. So, I guess it was enough!

I was planning on saying all that in a separate blog post, but since I'm a lazy bum, it's all rolled into one. So here's what she's been up to:

1. She's a big time crawler now. Full crawl, all the time, everywhere. Mommy is already tired of chasing her and it's just the beginning!

2. She waved bye-bye to daddy leaving for work for the first time this morning.

3. One of her favorite pastimes is pulling books off of shelves.

4. She stayed with grandma the whole weekend and behaved very well!

5. She's doing much better with her naps. We still miss one here and there, but overall, she's been going down better.

6. She still really wants to walk all the time. She likes to trick people into helping her walk by acting really sweet and holding their hands and then suddenly pulling herself up. I think if she knew how to say, "let's go!" she would!

7. Her four top teeth have finally poked through. I can't believe how grown up it makes her look. I'm getting less and less of a baby and more and more of a little girl. It's exciting and sad and wonderful and scary all at the same time.

8. She's eating lots of finger foods. She loves cut up green beans, even though she hated the green bean purees. She just stuffs them in her mouth. She also likes berries and strips of banana and hands full of couscous. She loves feeding herself and we're starting to have a harder time feeding her purees now.

So we've been busy!