2 month check up

Our little girl now weighs 10 pounds, 12 ounces and is 24 inches tall. She's right on track in everything. Her weight is in the 38th percentile and her height is in the 90th. There was a little worry at first about her head circumference because she had jumped from like the 30-something percentile to the 88th, which is not normal. However, when our doctor remeasured, he got an inch and a half less, which put us an a much more normal curve and out of any worry or danger.

She checked out very well and was really calm through the whole thing, until her shots. Her doctor commented on her great head control and we talked about her reflux. We talked about the fact that she doesn't really smile (only a handful of times, so far) or interact much yet. It was a good appointment. She was pretty grumpy most of the afternoon and evening, but still slept well.

The next day, she woke up and was smiling up a storm, so I think her doctor must have talked to her about it!

Two Months Old

Has it really been two months already? Has it really only been 2 months? I feel like I'm in a strange time warp. Sophia is wonderful. She's growing well and has her 2 month check up and shots (gulp) tomorrow. She has slept through the night for several days in a row, so we're hoping this trend continues. We definitely approve.

On the other end, though, she's been fussing/crying/screaming up a storm every evening. DH is already calling it colic and I guess that's probably what it is as there's no other explanation. It could be related to her reflux, but doesn't seem to be associated with her feedings. That's a whole different issue, but one we're still struggling with, too. Anyway, on Thursday, when DH was on call, she screamed and screamed. I ended up driving with her for an hour, which calmed her down, but as soon as we were back in the house, the screaming began again. Then, I gave her a bath, which calms her down, but as soon as she was out, the screaming began again. I really thought I was going to lose my mind. She finally went to sleep around 11pm. The next night was only a little better because DH had a migraine and couldn't really help, either. It was rough. Last night, though, we went out to DH's office Christmas party and she stayed with my mom. It was a nice break. When we came home, she was fussy, but went down relatively quickly.

Another consequence of sleeping through the night is my cycle is trying to start again. I've been through 3 rounds of PMS symptoms and spotting in the last few weeks as her feedings have spaced apart at night and she has one long stretch during the day, too. I haven't had a full period, but it's really aggravating. I mean, I was counting on not having a period for quite awhile since I was exclusively breastfeeding. We were hoping to use breastfeeding as our birth control for the first 6 months. But, alas, no! I'm not sure what we'll do now.

She's beautiful and wonderful and frustrating and time-consuming. I love her deeply and sometimes wish I could be a better mom for her. I mean, I'm doing my best, but she's so perfect, I can't help feeling bad when I get frustrated or upset or can't calm her when she's so obviously in some kind of pain. I hope this screaming phase passes soon, because it can sure wear a mommy down. It's a good thing she's so darn cute!

8 weeks and Reflux

Wow! Sophia is 8 weeks old today. She's grown and changed so much, it's hard to believe. She gets more beautiful every day, I think, if that's even possible.

A few weeks ago we started having difficulties feeding. She was fighting me and screaming a lot when I was trying to feed her and started spitting up a lot more. It's kind of handy to live with a pediatrician every now and then. He suggested that it could be reflux and got a prescription for Zantac. We started her on it and she got better, but I wasn't really convinced that it was reflux. I thought maybe she just had a few fussy days. We tried taking her off it a few days later and she got fussy again. Plus, I did some reading and it did sound like that's what she had, so we decided to keep her on the medication.

Then the last few days, we started having problems again. Generally, when she starts to squirm while I'm breastfeeding, it's because she has a gas bubble. I can burp her and she's good to go, but not now. She just got worse and worse. I must have forgotten everything that happened weeks earlier because I didn't even think about it being her reflux until DH suggested we up her dose of Zantac since she's gotten bigger. We decided we'd do that with her evening dose yesterday.

We never made it that far. One feeding in the afternoon took two hours because of all the screaming and misery. I felt so bad for her and I also felt bad for me. I was in tears because I just didn't know what to do to help her. She starts writhing and thrashing when she latches on and it's tearing apart my nipples. Finally, I text DH and he suggests giving her a little boost of Zantac. Praise be, it worked! She settled down and ate.

I was a mess when DH got home and I was supposed to go to a class at my church. I put on my shoes and DH looked at me and said, "why don't you just go to bed?" So I did. It was wonderful. She fed well, but woke up at 1am instead of 3, which is her normal time these days. Then, she was ready to party. After she ate, she was so glad to be feeling better that she was not interested in sleep, so I put her in her crib to party with with the animals in her mobile and sat down in the comfy chair to take a nap. She eventually got fussy and I was able to swaddle her and get her to sleep. And then she took a nice nap after her early morning feeding, so I napped, too.

She's been doing really well today, though still a little squirmy at the breast, so we'll see. Hopefully, the extra medication does the trick and I'll be back to my happy baby. She's not been napping much at all lately - just 20 to 30 minute catnaps, which makes it difficult to get anything accomplished. In retrospect, my husband thinks that might have also been because of the reflux. She's doing great today, so we'll see.

We have officially moved up a size in diapers. The newborn cloth and disposable diapers no longer contain her messes and we've moved on. They grow up so fast!

Seven Weeks

So, I've become an errant blogger, but Sophia keeps me so busy! If I could blog easily from my iPhone, I might keep things updated better.

She's doing beautifully and growing well. No day is like any other. She's had a few days where she slept 6-7 hours per night and then last night she was back to 3-4. But she sleeps well during those hours, so I don't feel like I can complain much.

Breastfeeding was really hard at the beginning, but has gotten much better. She eats about every 2 and a half hours during the day and it takes her 40 minutes to an hour to feed, so that's what I spend the majority of my day doing. I've had a couple of milk blisters (called "blebs" isn't that a great word?). They are extremely painful when she latches on, but are a pretty minor thing in the breastfeeding realm and don't affect her feeding much.

I was doing some things to increase my supply early on because she wasn't gaining weight well, but I stopped when things were looking better. I'm going to start again, because I think it's been a little low in the evenings. She just doesn't seem satisfied, and yesterday she was feeding almost two hours straight. She'd stop and I'd need to change her and then she'd want to eat again. My Lactation Consultant recommended fenugreek, mother's milk tea, and red wine. Oatmeal is also supposed to help. So, I've started back with the fenugreek now. We'll see if it helps. I pump after our first morning feeding to build up a freezer supply. I think I may start also pumping after an evening feeding, to increase my own milk supply. I hate pumping, though, so I'm not sure I'll follow through with that.

She's starting to have longer awake and happy times now. It's fun to interact with her a little more. We took her to weigh her on Monday and she weighs 9 pounds, 10 ounces. So, she's up about 2 pounds from her birth weight. I can definitely tell that she's heavier. She's getting much better head control and lifts up her head really well during tummy time.

Overall, I'm simply in love and so grateful that I get to be home with her. Some days are really difficult, but I can't imagine going back to teaching right now, as I'd have to go back next week. I was worried that I'd want to go back to work and was second guessing my decision to take the year off, but now there is no doubt that I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

I feel like there's so much more to say, but this is long enough already. I'll just have to try to blog more often. If Sophia ever gets more consistent with her naps, that will be much easier!

Birth Story, Finally

Since our baby was breach, and the external version (described in an earlier post) didn’t work out, we scheduled a Cesarean Section for the following Tuesday morning. Our daughter had a birthday! I repacked all of the hospital bags since I knew I wasn’t going to labor and would have a longer hospital stay. On Monday night, my OB, who I love and trust, called to tell me that he had the flu and could not do the c-section. He said that we could try to wait until he was on again on Thursday, but that he recommended that I go ahead and have it with one of his partners, so that’s what we did. I had seen that doctor several times, so at least it wasn’t a stranger.

We arrived at the hospital, as directed, at 5am. The surgery was scheduled for 7:15. I was admitted and sent to the lab. Only, no one was in the lab because they were out rounding. We waited for about 30 minutes before my husband called up to the L&D floor and explained the situation and we were instructed to come on up. I was really glad to have my husband there, who works in the hospital as a pediatrician and, knew all the nurses in L&D and the nursery. We got to the room (the same one I had been in for the version) and I got changed and settled. I hated the nurse. She was high strung and frantic. She kept talking to another nurse the whole time about another patient and was driving me crazy. I could tell my husband felt the same way. When she left the room, his first words were “shift changes in 30 minutes.” I laughed and figured I could survive that long. They started an IV for fluids and hooked me up to the monitors again.

The shift did finally change and I got a fantastic nurse, much to my relief. She was calm and professional and just what I needed. Unfortunately, the surgery was delayed because another woman came in who was in labor and was having her second c-section. So, I pulled out my magazine and my iPod and settled in for a wait. It went rather quickly and the doctor came in. They did an ultrasound to check position one last time. Of course, she hadn’t moved at all. They gave me the beautiful surgical hat and walked me to the OR. My husband said that the time we were separated there was the hardest part of the day.

I got to the OR and onto the operating table. The anesthesiologist did the spinal, which was nothing. I kept reading about how bad that would be and I think getting my flu shot hurt more. I immediately layed down and they draped the curtain. The worst part was that I wasn’t quite numb when they inserted the catheter. Yikes! Luckily, I numbed up quickly and they brought in DH.

From there, everything went really quickly. Before I knew it, the OB was saying, “Got one foot,” pause. “Okay, here’s the other foot.” Pause. “Here come the girl parts.” And then she came out and I heard all the suctioning and pretty soon, she let out a cry. And so did I. The doctor held her up over the curtain, and I don’t care what anyone else says, she was beautiful straight out of the womb! Sophia was born at 9:35am. She was 7 pounds and 9 ounces and 22.5 inches long. Her cord had been wrapped around her shoulder, which was likely why she couldn’t turn head down.

They cleaned her up and DH went over to see her. The pediatrician attending the section said that our daughter looked like him and then yelled over to me, “don’t worry, she’s beautiful.” Everyone laughed. DH brought her over to me and they untied one arm so that I could touch her, which is what I wanted more than anything. I just stroked her head and the tears were falling. I couldn’t believe that she was here and healthy. A couple of pictures were snapped. You could tell that DH was smiling ear to ear, even though he was wearing a surgical mask.

I thought I’d want DH to stay with me for the rest of the surgery, but once I saw him with Sophia, I didn’t want him to leave her side. Everything was going fine, so I sent him with her. He was able to give her the first bath and be with her in her first moments. Once the baby was gone to the nursery, someone turned on some happy music and the whole tone changed. Everyone was happy and relaxed and chatting. I had a really bad pain in my left shoulder, which was more annoying than anything because I couldn’t move. I was trying to massage it with my free hand, but that didn’t work very well. I told the OB that my doctor had told me that he did the best incisions. The other nurses agreed that it was true, and later on, several nurses looked at my incision and said, “Ah, must’ve been Dr. X.” They finished up and wheeled me back to the L&D room. DH was already there. They brought in Sophia in a short time later.

I can’t even begin to describe holding her for the first time. I was just amazed. She was so calm and alert. We stared at each other, just trying to take it all in. I attempted to nurse, with some help, but didn’t have a lot of success. Both of our mothers made it to the hospital soon after and were able to see and hold the baby. We didn’t call them to come until after we felt like we had sufficient time alone with her.

Eventually, they wheeled me to my room on the post partum floor, which was huge! It was hard not being able to move and trying to hold and nurse and take care of the baby as much as I could. DH did almost everything, because I just couldn’t. But I held her and tried to nurse her as often as I could. Since I didn’t go into labor, I don’t think she was getting anything at first, so she just kept getting frustrated. It was the beginning of quite an ordeal and we didn’t nurse successfully until about a week after she was born. Luckily now, she’s doing great.

The first week was really hard. Walking, standing, sitting, and especially coughing and laughing hurt. I really couldn’t do much and I needed lots of help. I’m glad my DH was home with me. After that, it gradually got better. I never had huge amounts of bleeding, but I’m still spotting occasionally 5 weeks later. Otherwise, I feel pretty much back to normal. I get occasional twinges near the incision, especially if I’ve tried to do too much, but that’s about it.

Breastfeeding is hard work and was really rough at the beginning. Since my milk didn’t come in, we had to supplement. We didn’t want to give her a bottle, so we cup fed her formula for about 4 days and I pumped at every feeding. My milk did come in sometime on the second day, but Sophia still wouldn’t latch. So, we kept going through the routine of trying to get her to latch, her refusal, then cup feeding and pumping. It was exhausting. Finally, on the fourth day, in the afternoon, I was sitting with her and tried to get her to latch and she did. Yay! She got progressively better. I’ve had some other minor issues, but in general, she’s been feeding and growing really well.

Being a mom is hard work. I knew that going in, but like many things in life, you can’t really understand it until you experience it. I love that little girl with all my heart and I still marvel at her beautiful face and that we brought her into the world.

Pictures of our Sweet Little Girl

How is she three weeks old already? And what a three weeks it has been. Hopefully, I'll manage to find the time for some more posts soon. She's wonderful, and healthy, and we're so happy. Nothing can prepare you, though, for having a new baby to care for. It is hard work!

My Beautiful Daughter

Our beautiful, perfect little girl was born on Tuesday, October 13th at 9:35am. She weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces and was 22.5 inches long. Here are a few pictures:

Last Bump Pictures - Baby Coming TOMORROW!

15 Weeks
20 Weeks
39 Weeks

So I decided to pull out the shirt I used for my first "bump" pictures so that we could have a fun comparison. The first one is at 15 weeks, the second at 20 weeks and the last one is 39 weeks. Think I've grown a little?

I can't believe I've made it this far and that she's coming tomorrow. I'm still really, really, really nervous about the c-section tomorrow. I still feel like I messed up somehow. I know it's not true, but I just keep thinking that there must have been something I could have done to get my baby girl to turn her head down. I'm extremely disappointed but I know that we have to deliver her in the safest way possible.

But I'm also insanely excited to finally meet our daughter. DH and I spent the weekend going to our favorite restaurants and enjoying each other, knowing it would be our last couple time for awhile. It was really nice. I didn't get much done around the house and I have a long list of things I need to do today, but I think the time together was more important than having the house perfect.

My mom will be coming to stay tonight since DH has to work late and I'll need the company. She'll stay at our house tomorrow until we call her after the birth of our baby. She'll stay at the house and take care of our dog and cat for a couple of days. If things go well, I'll be discharged Thursday and DH will have to go to work on Friday. She'll come back and help me during the day, if that's the case. Of course, as we've learned in the last couple of weeks, we can't really depend on things going as planned.

So, please remember our family in your thoughts and prayers in the coming days. We just can't wait to meet our little girl and become a family of three.

Shower Pictures

My husband's office was kind enough to throw us a shower last week. We got lots of presents and one big group chipped in and really stocked us up on cloth diapers. Apparently, some of the shipments were delayed and I've been getting more adorable diapers and supplies for the whole week since. They were very generous and we are quite grateful!

External Version

Well, baby Sprout has an independent mind and doesn't think much of the rule that babies should come into the world head-first. The version was unsuccessful, so we're on to a scheduled Cesarean.

I went in yesterday around 10:00. I got through the admissions paperwork, which was not nearly as bad as I expected. They got me to a room in labor and delivery and I changed into a hospital gown. They did a quick ultrasound to make sure that the baby was still breech and then hooked me up to the monitors to make sure baby was doing well and I wasn't contracting. I had been having some contractions the night before and a couple that morning, so I was a little concerned that they'd tell me I was in labor and I'd have to have the baby then. I was just paranoid, though. I didn't have any contractions the whole time I was at the hospital and I haven't had any since.

They also started IV fluids after putting me on the monitor. After they determined that baby and mom were doing well, they gave me a shot of terbutaline to relax my uterus. A side effect of this medication is that it makes you feel nervous and jittery. I definitely experienced this, but it wasn't horrible. Then the doctor came in and talked a little more about the procedure.

They got the ultrasound out to figure out the position of the baby. The nurse held the wand over the baby's heart the whole time so that they could keep a close eye on her heartbeat. Then the real fun began. Dr. L. began manipulating the baby. He got her bottom up out of my pelvis and started trying to turn her. She actually turned a bit at first and got everyone's hopes up. It was pretty painful for me, but I was able to breathe through it all okay. My husband stood at the foot of the bed (there was no room at the head) and massaged my feet the whole time, which was a big help. Dr. L. said he tried a little longer than he would normally because she seemed to want to turn, but he got to a point that he just wasn't willing to force it any more, which was fine with everyone. He seemed like he might be even more disappointed than we were. The actual procedure only took about 15 minutes, but it felt like a lot longer!

After it was over, Dr. L. talked to us for a little while about scheduling the c-section and then he had to go to the OR for a delivery. I was monitored for another hour before they took out the IV and let me change back into my clothes. They gave me the discharge paperwork (on which I had to sign twice that I was taking prenatal vitamins) and we left the hospital.

I was definitely a little sore afterwards, but I was also hungry and thirsty, so we stopped and had a nice lunch and went home. I rested most of the afternoon (doctor's orders). I felt pretty wiped out between the stress and a bad cold I've developed. This morning, I woke up even more sore from the procedure. I feel like the whole top of my belly should be black and blue as it feels really bruised.

I can tell that the baby has shifted somewhat and is in a different position, but is nowhere close to head down. Assuming that she doesn't go bottoms up before then, we've scheduled the c-section for Tuesday morning at 7:15. I'm not excited about delivering this way, but I feel like we've done everything we could and I just have to accept and prepare to meet my baby in a different way. As one of my Peace Corps friends (who is a huge natural birth advocate) said, we are so fortunate to live in a place where we have the option of a safe c-section when it is medically indicated.

So, we are so happy that we are going to be parents next week and having an actual date on the calendar is kind of crazy. We're working out details and making a few decisions still and I hold out a little hope that Sprout will decide that seeing the world head first is a good idea, but have accepted that she has a mind of her own. I'm sure this is not the last time she'll disrupt our plans!

38 Weeks and a Breech Baby

So, we went in to my normal 38 week appointment yesterday. The doctor wanted to do an ultrasound to check on the baby's size. Her size is in the normal/average range (7 lbs. 8 ounces was the estimate), but I didn't really even care when she said that because the tech had already dropped the bombshell - the Sprout was breech.

My OB was shocked, too. He started feeling on my belly and said that he swore her bottom felt like a head. And he's been delivering babies for like a zillion years. So, then we had to make some quick decisions. If we wanted to attempt to turn her, we needed to do it soon because I'm already so far along. We decided to go ahead and give it a try, so we have the External Version scheduled for tomorrow (Wednesday). I'm really nervous. The doc gives it about a 50/50 chance of working. In the meantime, I'm trying to talk her into turning on her own, but so far, she's being stubborn.

If the version doesn't work, I'll schedule a cesarean section for Monday. That's so soon! He really doesn't want me to go into labor, because of the way the cord is placed. He said that it could cause problems if my water broke and she settled on top of it. I really, really, really do not want a c-section, but I guess it's pretty much out of my control at this point. I'm sure it's not the last time Sprout will have plans of her own.

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the whole thing. I did all the classes and I know about as much as I can know about c-sections, I think, but I just really thought I'd have a more stereotypical birth experience. I know that could still happen, but I'm trying to prepare myself. We decided to go into the version thinking it wasn't going to work so that we could be pleasantly surprised if it does.

DH is worried about his work schedule. His vacation isn't scheduled to start until Friday of next week, so it should be interesting. He found someone to cover him for the version tomorrow, but next week is going to take some real effort. I know that his coworkers will do it, but he's just one of those people that always helps everyone else but hates to ask for help himself. There might be some even longer waits at the pediatrician's office next week, if they're short a doctor!

We're supposed to call L&D first thing tomorrow morning to make sure they're not up to their ears in laboring mommies. If there's space, I'll go in early, get settled. They'll put me on monitors for awhile and give me an IV and terbutaline to relax the muscles. Then, my OB will attempt to turn her. He said that he wouldn't push too hard, that in his experience, either the baby wants to turn or doesn't. Then, whether it works or not, I'll be monitored for another half hour or so and then I'll pack up and go home. If it works, I'll wait for labor to start. If it doesn't, we'll officially schedule the cesarean for Monday.

So think upside-down thoughts for me tomorrow!

Bump and Nursery Pictures!

Here is my 37 week bump picture and pictures of the finished nursery. Our little Sprout is coming soon!

Things I took for granted (37 Weeks)

A few things I took for granted before pregnancy:

• Finding a comfortable position to sit, stand, and especially sleep.
• Breathing deeply
• Bending at the waist
• Tying my shoes
• Putting on and taking off pants, socks, or anything on the lower half of my body without having to sit down
• Knowing that the clothes that fit yesterday would fit today
• Conversations that did not involve invasive questions about my health and body
• Fitting into a booth and a restaurant
• Being the same shoe size in the morning and in the evening
• Walking up the stairs without feeling winded
• Getting in and out of the car without developing a strategy in advance
• Seeing a newborn when I'm out and not getting all weepy and emotional
• Walking without pain

I'm sure there are more, but that's the list for today.

All complaining aside, I know that I've had an amazingly smooth pregnancy and I'm incredibly grateful. It's so strange to know that our little Sprout could show up any day now and it's so exciting! DH is going to be the cutest dad ever. He installed the car seats yesterday and he didn't want to take the carrier out of his car. He says that it's helping him get in the right mindset. Yesterday, he was pretending to talk to her in the car seat. It was adorable.

Sleep has been a real struggle. I just cannot get comfortable anymore. Between not being able to breathe if I'm on my back and the pelvic pain if I'm on my side, I just roll around a lot until I'm so tired I pass out. Then I'm a zombie the rest of the day. I know I'll get even less sleep once the baby arrives, but I'd like to get some in now!

I had some contractions yesterday for the first time. It was wild and a real eye-opener. I feel like I should be nesting more. Our house is a disaster and needs some serious work. We need to do some grocery shopping and stocking up on some essentials. The nursery is done, except that DH needs to get his tools out of there and put away so that we can take some pictures and I can post them. It is really cute. This just gets more and more real every day. I'm excited and nervous and scared. I'm ready not to be pregnant any more, but I'm not sure I'm quite ready for the baby. We'll see how long she decides to hang out!

35 Weeks and I'm still a slacker

I'm starting to come to the amazing conclusion that I'm actually going to have a baby. It just gets more real every day. My wonderful husband went into nesting overload this weekend. He was in a frenzy! I think he expected to get everything done that needed to get done before the baby over the weekend. He had a little freak out Sunday morning and we had to talk about it later, when he was calmer. We're both just getting nervous and anxious. We just have to make sure we're working together and not against each other.

We shopped for all the stuff we still needed, which was a lot, since the only gifts I've gotten have been clothes. We definitely did our part to stimulate the economy! I've been washing and sorting clothes and linens and other things. How in the world can there be so much stuff for someone so small? It's overwhelming, to be sure. There is much sorting and organizing to be done and many details to be completed. It's going to take some time.

My pelvic pain has gotten better, though it's still ever-present. My back, on the other hand hurts a lot when I've been standing for more than 10 minutes. It makes it hard to accomplish nearly as much as I want to accomplish in a day. I think that frustrates my husband because he doesn't quite realize the extent of my physical limitations.

I'm also starting to prep cloth diapers. I'm pretty nervous about them and that I'll do it all wrong! I've read a ton, but I have zero experience, so there's definitely going to be a learning curve. Luckily, DH is on board with the whole thing. I'm just worried that if we have any problems, he won't stay on board. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

I go for my 36 week appointment and Group B Strep test next week. Then, it will be every week after that. She's coming soon! I'm happy and excited and nervous and scared silly. I sure hope I can do this. I want so much for my daughter and I don't want to let her down.

33 Weeks and vacation time!

My husband and I are on our way out of town in just a few minutes. We are heading to the mountains for a few peaceful days to rest and enjoy being together. I hope it's just what we need - to celebrate our life together before adding to our family.

I had an appointment yesterday and my blood pressure is a bit elevated. I'm going to have to go in again next week and then weekly, unless it goes back down. I'm hoping it was just a fluke because of the heat and some dehydration. I guess we'll see. It wasn't high enough for anything more than extra monitoring, so I'm grateful for that. I'd sure hate to miss our vacation. The doctor told me to go and have fun. It would be good for me and us.

I've been having a pretty significant amount of pain at my pubic bone. It's gotten pretty debilitating at times, but seems to have gotten a little better in the last two days. My doctor says it's normal, but it hurts! I've started going swimming at the YMCA and it's been heavenly. Why didn't I do this sooner? They have a warm water therapy pool. I feel like I could stay there all day. I started swimming when walking was too painful, but now I'm hooked. I think I'll keep going for as long as I can!

It's been a hard week on the Internet. Some beautiful people who are having to cope with illnesses and losses of their babies. I just keep talking to our Little Sprout and crying tears and prayers of gratitude for her little life inside me and tears and prayers of sympathy and hope for those who are going through such difficult times. My brain can't process it all.

What a week!

I began my 30th week with the fantastic 3D ultrasound experience, but the next day, I took quite the tumble in a parking lot when I was with my mom. I stepped wrong coming off a curb and landed on my hands and knees. I still look like a 10 year old that just fell off her bike. I should post a picture of my scraped up knees. I landed pretty hard. The sunglasses that were in my hand were totalled.

I called the doctor and they had me come in. I was an hour away, though. My mom followed me back. I really wasn't terribly worried at first because I hadn't hit my belly and I knew that falls like that usually don't cause harm to baby, but my mom was a nervous wreck. Of course, the whole way home, I kept poking at the baby, trying to get her to move and she was being stubborn, so I started to get a little nervous.

I called my husband as soon as it happened and told him, "your klutz of a wife just fell." He's laughing about that now. I didn't realize how worried he was until he came to the doctor's office to meet me when I was there. I wasn't expecting him and I could tell by the look on his face that we was very concerned. He told me later that just a few days before there had been a baby at the hospital that they lost due to a placental abruption and the mom was about as far along as I am now, so that probably had him a little edgy.

Anyway, they hooked me up to monitors for awhile. It took the nurse quite some time to find the little Sprout's heartbeat, which about gave her mom a heart attack, but once they found it, she did NOT like the monitor at all and started wiggling and kicking. It was great to just lay there and listen to the heartbeat and feel her moving again. The doctor came in after awhile and confirmed that everything looked good. He said that basically, it's extremely rare for a fall like the one I had to cause any major problems, but when they do, they can be devastating, so that's why they always suggest getting checked out after any kind of fall.

So, I rested most of the weekend. I had my regular OB appointment on Tuesday. I'm a little ahead of where I should be in the weight gain department. I was really depressed about it for a few days, because I feel like I've been trying so hard and doing so much better than I was pre-pregnancy, but it doesn't seem to matter. I'm a little more rational now, but I still feel like I'm a bit of a pregnancy failure this week. But, our little girl is doing well and moving around like crazy, and that's the important thing.

30 weeks - I'm such a slacker

So, I've been waiting to post until my wonderful husband took another bump photo, but I can't seem to pin him down. I guess I should just use my point and shoot in the mirror like everybody else!

I cannot believe that I am 30 weeks. When did that happen? We had our 3D/4D ultrasound today and it was amazing to actually see her face. She was folded up with her legs in front of her face, so we mostly got her profile and her

legs/foot, but it was still amazing. The tech had us reschedule so that we could get all the measurements she wanted, so we go for another one in a week and a half. I hope she's in a better position. She would not budge at all!

Now that I know

that she is in that position, I understand why I haven't felt her movement the same way in a few days. I still feel her move, but not in the same way. I'm relieved that it's just her position and not anything wrong.

She weighs about 3 pounds, 10 ounces and they said she measured 31 weeks 4 days. My husband says measurements at this point are +/- 2 weeks. So I'm trying not to panic about a big baby!

We've been doing some baby shopping and now have her bassinet and car seat and few other bigger purchases. We went through things and decided that we have everything that we really need before she arrives except a few smaller items. Of course there's still plenty to do and we're still waiting for our nursery furniture.

School starts in 2 weeks and I won't be starting. It's going to be very strange to not be wrapped up in the school year. I've been having lunch dates with teacher friends to stay apprised on the latest gossip and facebook is great for that stuff, too.

So, 10 more weeks to go. It doesn't seem that long any more!

July 21

We went baby shopping today and ordered our way-too-expensive stroller and did some other shopping. When my husband was signing the receipt, he asked for the date. July 21. Wow. It hit me hard. I didn't even realize it was coming. July 21st was the due date for my first pregnancy.

I can't say that I haven't thought about that loss. It's still with me often and, as much as I wish I could say otherwise, it has shaded this pregnancy and caused me to worry. It was much worse early on, but part of me still waits for the next shoe to drop, for something to go very wrong. I can only imagine what it must be like for those who had later or multiple losses. I only knew I was pregnant for a few days, but it was enough to have dreams realized and dashed.

I'm not sure how to even express my feelings about it right now. I started to say that I should have had a baby this month, but no, that's not right. It was not meant to be. But there is still a real feeling of emptiness today. It is, of course, tempered by the joy of the little Sprout dancing around my belly right now as I type, but it is there. I feel guilty that I didn't recognize that this day was coming, as if I have somehow not honored it properly.

So, I'm paying special attention to the little girl I have now, and thinking about those months ago when I was ready to give up hope. Every little life is a miracle and I've experienced two of them. The first was only with us a short time, but continues to bless us with greater appreciation for what we have, a stronger marriage, and much more empathy for those around us whose struggles we do not know.

Hello Third Trimester!

Wow! I can't believe I made it this far. It just gets more exciting every week. I've been awake since 4am because the little Sprout doesn't want me to sleep, but I've been enjoying her gymnastics. It's so nice to have that consistent reassurance that she's doing okay. DH and I both watched my belly wiggling this morning. It's the first time I could actually see her moving a bunch from the outside. Wild, for sure!

It's been a busy few weeks. First 9 of my in-laws came to visit. Then DH and I had a wonderful anniversary trip to Maine. The weather was crummy for most of the time, but it was wonderful nonetheless. Now, my father and brother are here visiting. I'm glad for the opportunity to see everyone, but DH and I will both be very happy when we can get back to some sense of normalcy.

While in Maine, I had the first stranger ask me when I was due and have had a couple more since then. I'm glad that I'm looking obviously pregnant now instead of the maybe-she's-pregnant-but-maybe-she's-just-a-little-round phase. Yay! I'll post a belly pic eventually when things calm down around here.

I've gained too much weight in the last couple of months. My doctor didn't say anything, but I know. I haven't been good with all the craziness and travel. I actually had a bit of a meltdown last night because DH said something to me about the whole bowl of cherries I ate (at least it was fresh fruit, right?). He didn't mean anything by it, but I just felt awful that I haven't been better about my diet when I know how important it is. He's vowed that we'll both do better from here on out. It's been kind of difficult with my dad and brother here since they are some of the worst eaters out there. I'm sure they feel like I'm depriving them when I feel like I'm completely indulging because I have things around I don't normally keep in the house.

Anyway, I'm really glad that I'm not working right now, but I don't feel like I've had much time to relax since school got out. When my relatives all leave, I'm looking forward to some time for myself and for getting serious about the baby preparations.

She's viable! And the family invasion

24 weeks now and a special milestone. Of course, we definitely want our little Sprout to keep cooking a lot longer. DH dealt with a delivery of a 24 week preemie yesterday and I could tell that it really worried him. But everything seems to be going beautifully right now.

I had a great trip to visit with college friends over the weekend. One of my friends has a 2 and half year old. She was the happiest, most agreeable two year old I think I've ever met. She definitely had her moments, but I was so impressed with my friend and how well she dealt with it all. I hope I can be as patient!

I've been having some strange aches and pains, but nothing terrible. My tummy hasn't been very happy over the last few days. I guess it's just all part of the fun. It makes it harder for me to prepare for the throng of people that will be arriving this weekend.

DH has invited his whole family to visit us every summer and his brother and his family (wife and 3 kids) usually come along with his father. Well this year, at the last minute, his two sisters and their families decided to come, too! There will be 14 people in our house. It's going to be interesting. We'll have 8 adults and 6 kids (ranging from 6 months to 7 years). At least it's only a weekend! I'm stressing out, but I know how much it means to my husband to have his whole family together. It will be a very special time, I'm sure. I hope. Pray for us, okay :)?

23 Weeks

So, I'm not thrilled with this picture, but my belly is definitely getting bigger! DH just called and told me to come outside because he had his tripod set up. Doesn't he know a girl should have time to prepare for a picture? Oh well.

It's been a lovely week of recovering from the school year. It's such a relief to be finished. I've watched way too many baby shows on TV and gotten very little accomplished, but that's okay. I have to be more productive this week. I'm leaving Thursday to go to a friend's bridal shower out of town. I'm still a bit nervous about flying, even though I know I don't have a good reason.

I'm debating between two different sets of prenatal classes and I need to sign up for one of them this week. There's a free one through a community organization that is longer (7 two hour sessions) and includes some breast feeding and child care topics and there is a shorter one (5 two hour sessions) through the hospital that basically only covers labor and delivery ( and is not free). It seems obvious, right? But I absolutely HATE being in a class/workshop/seminar that is not well done and I'd hate to be stuck. I can't find anyone that's done either class to give me a recommendation. The free one starts earlier, so I'm thinking we can sign up for that one and if it's bad, we can hope there's still room in the hospital class that starts 2 weeks later. DH is not terribly excited about any class but is willing to do whatever I decide.

I'm feeling pretty well these days. I'm starting to have a little trouble getting up and bending over. I know that it's only the beginning, though! I'm feeling her move a lot now, which is so much fun. I still sometimes feel like an alien has taken over my body, which I guess it has!

It's going to be okay...

That's the conclusion I came to after watching way too many baby shows on TV yesterday.  I've been so nervous about whether I'll be able to breast feed, whether I'll have to have a c-section, whether the nurses will give my baby a pacifier...(yes, I'm insanely paranoid).

Then I look at what some people go through and still end up with healthy, well adjusted babies.  I know that everything will not go according to plan, that there may very well be some disappointments, but I'm trying to keep things in perspective.  As long as our little girl is healthy, that's really all that matters.  I just have to remember to keep telling myself this when I get stressed out about which crib mattress to buy.

In other news...I'm done with school!  I finished up everything early and am enjoying my first days of vacation.  It's going to be very strange in August when I don't go back with everyone else.  I actually had a bit of an emotional breakdown earlier in the week.  I am absolutely 100% sure I'm making the right decision, but that doesn't mean that leaving the career I've worked so hard to establish for over 10 years is easy.  I don't know when or if I'll go back to classroom teaching.  It really is the end of a chapter of my life.  I guess it's kind of like graduation day. You're happy about where you're going, but scared about what lies ahead, and sad about what you're leaving behind.  

I'm trying to think of something nice to do for my husband for Father's Day.  And our anniversary is only a couple of weeks away, so I have to think about that, too.  I want to do something really special for our anniversary, but the things he wants are so boring (electronics, photography gear that I don't even understand).  I want it to mean something.  So, I'm stumped.  I hope I can come up with something.  I have a tradition where I always write him a letter about the year we've had and there will definitely be a lot to write about this year.  Maybe I should get started on that...

No picture yet.  DH was working all weekend.  Maybe I'll get one up later this week.  22 weeks now.  As a pediatrician, DH says this is the hardest month for him.  He gets nervous anytime I breathe loudly or wince when I get up too fast and pull those abdominal muscles strangely.  He says he'll feel better when I get past 24 weeks and the baby is viable, but won't really be calm until about 30 weeks.  I've been trying to talk to him less about my discomforts, because I can see him worrying.  I know that's how I was for the whole first trimester.  I've finally started feeling good about things and now he's freaking out!  She's kicking me and moving around lots now, though, so that calms us both down.

Happy summertime!

Surprise!

The teachers at school threw me a surprise baby shower today.  It was the nicest thing ever.  I couldn't believe all of the food and gifts.  People were so generous!  And this right after a faculty meeting where our principal basically said she couldn't tell anyone anything about whether or not they would have a job next year or what subject/grade level they would be teaching.  I guess it was good to focus on happy news after that.

I'm still overwhelmed by it all.  And it's fun to have some cute little girl things.  They invited my mom and she was there.  My husband enjoyed opening the presents all over again when he got home (they were mostly in gift bags).  It's nice to feel loved.  I truly never expected anything like this.  Maybe a card and a small gift certificate at the end of the year luncheon, but never something so elaborate.  I will definitely miss my coworkers!

20 Weeks update with pictures

So here are a few pictures from the last couple amazing weeks.  There's a 20 week bump picture and our favorite shot from the 18 week ultrasound.  How amazing it was to see her wiggling around in there!  And now I'm starting to feel her move and even thump me a few times.  Wow...this making a baby stuff is pretty cool.

My husband  is amazing.  I love him so much.  He wrote the most beautiful letter to our daughter.  I was crying when I read it.  He's going to be such a great daddy!  He has also gone baby crazy, pushing to register and decide on everything from car seats to wash cloths.  It's so cute!  We also ordered the nursery furniture, which made him very happy.  He was ready weeks ago, but I told him he had to wait until after the ultrasound to make any major purchases.  

One of my students finally asked me if I was pregnant.  She came up to me after class and asked, "There is a rumor going around that you are going to have a child.  Is it true?"  I told her that it was.  She congratulated me very calmly and then ran to discuss with the rest of her classmates.  It was kind of cute.  I could tell she had really thought out exactly how she was going to ask me.  So the word is out, which is kind of a relief.  Today, I posted a photocopy of an ultrasound picture on the board.  Believe it or not, there were still quite a few students who had no clue.  But they know now!

So I have 8 more days with students and 2 more weeks total of work.  The end is near, but there is a lot to do before then!  

19 weeks - wow!

It really is still so hard to believe that we've made it this far.  I think that the ultrasound made it much more real for my husband, because he has gone baby crazy since then.  He even started reading a parenting book last night.  I just want to cry, I love him so much.  

We've decided on a name, but we're keeping it a secret for now, despite all of the interrogations. At this point, it's not hard, since we can just kind of pretend we haven't decided yet, but I'm sure it will get harder.  We'll probably cave before the end, but we might as well leave something fun to tell people later, right?  

My mom is coming in today and we're going to go and order the nursery furniture that my husband and I picked out last week.  It's expensive, but he says "go for it" and we said that our tax refund was going for baby, so I guess we're going to splurge.  I feel a little guilty, but it's all made in the USA, so we're supporting the economy, right?  (help me rationalize, okay?)

And my bump is starting to look like a bump, which is kind of crazy. I think I need a new shirt for my pictures, but it's kind of fun using the same one, so I don't know.  I've been feeling flutters of movement here and there which is absolutely amazing.  Of course, it makes me a little paranoid when I can't feel her, which I know is completely irrational.  I guess you never stop worrying when you become a mommy, do you?

What a great day!

Our ultrasound was perfect and we're having a girl!  We are beyond excited.  All of a sudden, it just all seems more real.  My husband said, "you're having a baby, just like you were yesterday, but it's different, somehow."  

She was flipping and turning and moving all over during the ultrasound, but the tech was able to measure everything that needed to be measured, and she gets an A+.  Everything was normal.  She has very long legs (just like me).  My husband and I both got teary and he had to run right over to his office to show off the pictures.  She's got him wrapped around her finger already, and she hasn't even met him!  

Then we spent the day going to Raleigh to shop.  There isn't much available in the small town where we live, except for Target and Walmart.  I think we found furniture we love.  Of course, in the process, my husband fell in love with the most expensive stroller/travel system known to man, so that should lead to some interesting discussions.

I'm not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, but it will be fun to tell my coworkers the news.  It's awards day, so there will be many distractions.  Next week is standardized testing, so things are winding down.  It's strange to think that this is the last time I'll do this for awhile.  

Big Ultrasound Tomorrow!

We never got around to taking a picture this week.  It was a busy weekend.  My college girlfriend (also my maid of honor) came in to visit.  It was so much fun.  I'm so bummed that I'm going to miss her wedding in October.  I keep teasing her about making sure she has a web cam set up.  I want to go so badly!  But of course, I'll hopefully be busy with a newborn by then.  

I'm so nervous and excited about tomorrow's ultrasound.  I'm excited to see the baby, but my paranoia is setting in, too.  I just hope that everything is fine.  DH is more excited about finding out the sex than I am (and I'm pretty excited).  Mostly we're eager to see the baby again and to find out that the bean sprout is healthy - 4 chambered heart, good brain, you know the important stuff!  

I've been feeling flutters the last few days.  It's really strange and exciting.  It just becomes more real all the time.  Of course, I also had a terrible nightmare last night that I don't remember.  I just woke up terrified with my DH stroking me telling me that I was okay.  I was awake for another 2 hours because I couldn't sleep.  It made for a very long day today. 

My students still haven't gotten brave enough to ask me if I'm pregnant, but they are grilling all of the other teachers.  It's pretty funny.  They all refer the kids to me, but I'm still waiting.  I guess it says something that they are hesitant to ask a woman if she's pregnant.  We'll see.  I'm still enjoying watching the 12 year old kids gossip.  If it doesn't come out before then, I figure I'll post an ultrasound picture after testing is over.  Surely one of them will ask me what it is, right?  14 days of school...they just seem to keep getting longer, but at least I have tomorrow off!

Mother's Day

17 weeks and still growing!  I messed up the picture by posing all wrong and getting my arms mixed up, but my wonderful husband has decided to make a production out of my weekly photos.  I didn't want to endure another photo session of him dragging around his tripod to find the right light to retake the picture.  Hopefully you can see that the bump in front has grown.  There is no doubt that the bump behind has grown about the same amount.  Eek!

We had a doctor's appointment on Friday and everything looks great.  I had my blood drawn for the quad screen, so I'm sure I'll be a little nervous this week, waiting for the results.  Our big ultrasound is in 2 weeks, and we're very excited about that!  

After the appointment, we left for a lovely weekend at the beach.  I don't think I realized how much I needed the getaway until I was there.  I had a hard time this week at school.  I overreacted to a few situations and generally just got more frustrated than normal with the normal middle school junk.  I hope I do better this week.  Everyone is stressed with End-of-Grade testing approaching quickly.  Just a few more weeks!  The beach was wonderful, though.  I love just laying in the hotel room with the balcony door open listening to the ocean.  I could do it for a month, I think!

And my wonderful husband even got me a card and gift for Mother's Day.  The card was really funny and the watch he got me was great, too.  I'll have to get a couple of links taken out before I can wear it.  Or maybe I should wait...

And on this Mother's day I can't help but think about all the women who are still on the journey toward becoming mothers.  I'm also thinking about my best friend who lost her mother this year to cancer.  I know that this can be a painful day.  I remember many Mother's Day church services where women left in tears for reasons I did not understand.  I'm so joyful today, but I understand that many people are grieving and I want you to know that I think of you, too.  I wish I could make it easier.  

16 weeks and finally a picture

Really?  16 weeks?  I have a doctor's appointment on Friday and then DH and I are going to head to the beach for the weekend. I can't wait.  My students are still gossiping, but they don't know yet.  I'll string them along as long as possible!  

I'm having a terrible time sleeping and the books all say that I should stop sleeping on my back this week.  I've been trying, but I always end up that way when I wake up, even when I tuck pillows all around me.  I know it's not a reason to stress, but I want to do the right thing.  

So here's a couple of pictures from last week (15 weeks) and this week (16 weeks).  My husband didn't give me any warning, so my shirt is all wrinkled up on today's, but at least you can kind of see a bump, right?  Right?  2 people this week said that they couldn't believe that I was this far along and not showing at all.  I know I had a little extra fluff, but people, my tummy was not that big!  

Thoughts at 15 weeks

So, I looked back at my early blog entries and I started crying.  I remember feeling hopeless after my miscarriage.  I remember my husband feeling helpless.  I remember thinking that I'd never get (and stay) pregnant and dreading the coming months because I assumed that they would bring more heartache and disappointment.  

And then we got our surprise.  How wonderful it is!  Not long after we had the first ultrasound at 8 weeks and began to feel like this really might be it for us, my husband said something interesting.  He said that he felt like one of those couples that gets so wrapped up in the wedding that they forget about the marriage.  We had been thinking so much about getting pregnant, that now it was such a shock to start imagining the idea that we were going to be parents.  He's right.  Even before we began TTC, we had lots of talks and jokes and general fun thinking about what it would be like to have children.  But as TTC became a longer journey, those playful moments became painful instead of fun.  It's so nice to have that back now.  

Of course, I am aware that my journey to pregnancy was not nearly as long as so many others, and I realize how much I've learned from the year of TTC.   I believe that I'm more understanding and less likely to judge others.   I believe I'm more sensitive and think more about how I approach others whose struggles I may never know.

Early in the school year, a colleague had a baby that was stillborn.  It was a horrible shock to everyone.  Today, she offered me her maternity clothes.  It still makes me want to cry for her. She is amazing.  She talks so openly about her pregnancy, losing the pregnancy weight, her symptoms and issues.  It seems like she wants to talk and so I let her.  Maybe it's an outlet that she needs.  But it's still so incredibly sad - and scary.  

On another random note.  One of my classes apparently had a discussion in science class about whether or not I was pregnant.  It seems that one of the kids overheard a conversation I had with another teacher.  One girl just suggested the practical solution - just wait and see if her stomach gets big.  We'll see if any of them get brave enough to ask me or if the gossip just continues for another few weeks.  The belly is definitely getting bigger.  The curiosity will get the best of them eventually!  For now, I'm loving it.  

Time to Celebrate!

We just got back from a fun trip to New York.  My husband got to tell the rest of his family about our coming new addition and everyone is very excited, of course.  We posted messages on our Facebook pages on Easter morning, so we've been receiving lots of well-wishes and congratulations from our more distant friends.  It's nice to not be keeping a secret anymore and to feel like we can really celebrate.  Easter seemed like such an appropriate time to let the cat out of the bag!

Speaking of secrets, my students don't know yet.  There are rumors floating around some of the girls and they've started asking questions to other teachers, but no one has confirmed it yet.  I'm sure someone will be brave enough to ask me soon.  But apparently some of of my kids think I'm just putting on some weight.  One of my students brought me a book on Thursday - "Eat this Not That" the diet/weight loss book!  I know the kid meant absolutely nothing by it, but it had me in stitches.  The rest of the 6th grade teachers thought it was pretty funny, too.  He also let me know that he had all of the Biggest Loser books at home if I wanted to borrow them!  The funny part is, I actually haven't gained any weight since my first appointment.  I am definitely changing shape, though, especially around the middle.  Hilarious.

We'll see how long after spring break it takes for all of my students to figure out that I'm pregnant.  

12 Weeks and Counting!

It is still hard for me to believe a lot of days.  I keep thinking about all of the days that I was sure I would never get pregnant.  Now, I've stopped hiding the pregnancy books from the maid service that comes every other week.  My school knows that I'm pregnant.  We're going to tell the rest of friends and family in the next week or two.  I'm starting to develop a little bump.  No one but me and my husband could tell, I'm sure, since I'm a little on the fluffy side, anyway.

My best friends from out of town will be learning about our little one when they receive their Easter packages this week.  I started making Easter baskets for them when we were in college and I've kept it up ever since.  There's always a theme and this year's is baby.  My closest friend already knows, because my due date will be causing me to miss her wedding in October, which makes be very sad.  She's quite eager for everyone else to know, too!  We're going to see DH's family over Easter weekend, so we'll be telling them in person.  He has worked so hard to keep it a secret.  He's not the best secret keeper, usually.  I think he's been managing by telling everyone else on the planet!

For some reason, I'm not really looking forward to my students finding out.  I teach middle school and I'm just not sure how they will react.  I'm not their favorite teacher.  Hey, I teach math, it comes with the territory!  We get along fine, but they are middle school kids and I usually have a very thick skin, but if they start making comments about baby, I don't know if I'll handle it well.  I'm probably just being paranoid.   They'll likely be very excited and all will be well.  My plan is to wait until one of them asks me and just say that, "yes, I am pregnant." Then time how many seconds it takes for the whole 6th grade to know.  Their gossip networks work fast!  Anyway, it's just a matter of time.  

My husband got to go to my 12 week appointment with me this week.  The OB warned us that he was looking for a very tiny heart in a very tiny baby, so not to worry if it took him awhile to find it with the Doppler.  Then, about 10 seconds later he found it!  I'm glad the little sprout decided to cooperate.  Now, my husband wants to go to all of my appointments, which is very sweet.  I think that he was really disappointed that he missed the first one with the ultrasound and now doesn't want to miss anything!  It's great, though.  I love having him there, even if the whole appointment only took 20 minutes.  

What a day!

The sprout is fine and I've actually been feeling better, except that I seemed to have pulled some kind of muscle in my rump.  It really hurts, especially when I stand up after sitting down.  I'm up and down a lot as a teacher, so it's been interesting.

Speaking of teaching, I had several notes from angry parents about their kids grades today, even though I've informed them multiple times of the problems.  They don't seem to want to do anything until it's the end of the grading period.  Grades are due tomorrow, people!  It's too late! Better luck next nine weeks.  Grrrr...

Oh, and three of the kids we sent to alternative school earlier in the year are coming back on Monday.  My year was horrible at the beginning, but got so much better after these students left.  June definitely got further away.  I will be starting the end-of-year count down early this year, I think.  

So this turned out to be one big vent, I guess.  On a brighter note, word is getting around and it's kind of fun for folks to know what is happening.  I'm not ready for my students to know yet (or ever, maybe), but I know that it is bound to happen eventually.  

Starting to cave...

My husband and I are starting to cave in and tell people. We are just so excited that we can't keep it in anymore! After I told my coworker that saw me throw up, he told a few of his coworkers. So then, I had to answer that by telling a couple more of mine. I think we've told enough people now, that word will spread quickly. We did say to them all that we were keeping things quiet for now, but I'm not expecting too much secrecy at this point, and that's okay.

I only feel bad because we haven't told some of our family and closest friends because we have special things planned for the week of Easter. There's almost no chance of them finding out before hand because they are all out of state, but I feel a little bad that coworkers know before my father-in-law.

I have been feeling pretty bad, but better than last week. I made it through the whole week of work and got my kids caught up so that they will be ready for testing next week at the end of the grading period - well, at least as ready as they'll ever be. I've had a lot of trouble sleeping and getting comfortable. I thought that wasn't supposed to be a problem until I had a big bump, but apparently not. My husband got me a new body pillow, which has been somewhat helpful. It's hard teaching, but every time I think about the baby, I just get so excited that none of the discomfort matters.

3 more weeks until spring break. I hope I can make it until then!

So this is morning sickness...

I've had waves of nausea since about 6 weeks and some days have definitely been worse than others, but today, I actually threw up. I haven't done that since I was in the Peace Corps. It is not fun.

This morning, after I brushed my teeth, I started heaving, but nothing came up. I ate a little cereal and went on to school. By the time I got there, I knew I wouldn't make it through the day, so I went to our bookkeeper, who also finds substitutes for us and asked if he could find someone. I went to my room to get some plans ready. The bell rings for the kids to come in. I immediately got sweaty and knew I'd better get out of there. I ran to the bathroom where the fun began. Luckily they found me a sub quickly and I've been home.

The funny part is that one of my good friends, my teammate for 2 years was in the lounge where I ran. She stopped to check on me and make sure that I had a substitute coming. She then started telling me how sorry she was while I was washing my hands and rinsing my mouth. I told her "don't be sorry." She kept talking. I said, "no, really, don't be sorry," and flashed her a grin. She got it right away, because she knew we'd been trying for awhile. She was so excited and promised to keep the secret, though I think it might not be much of a secret much longer!

My Beautiful Blob

My first appointment was fantastic. I didn't know they were going to do an ultrasound, but that was the first thing they did. I teared up when I saw the little bean sprout and heard the heartbeat. There's really something in there! It may just be a fuzzy looking blob, but it's in there. And now my husband will have to stop teasing me about twins, because there is only one baby in there - phew!

Everything went very well and I love my OBGYN. I already knew this, since I've been seeing him for GYN stuff for a few years, but I love him even more today. He's just so calming and helpful without being the least bit condescending. I hope he is at my delivery. I'll be meeting other doctors in the practice at other appointments. I hope I like them, too.