Tough Times

So many people around me are going through some really tough stuff.  I've had a really heavy heart.

In our own lives, our struggle to conceive is starting to loom larger and larger.  I will likely be scheduling my HSG within the week.  Then we have to decide whether to go forward with treatment and when we will start.  It's keeping me up at night because I have a lot of conflicting thoughts and ideas and emotions about all of this.

Last night, the hubby and I cuddled, crying and talking about how unfair it all is - his siblings and all their "oops" babies, the middle school nurse talking about the number of kids getting pregnant, all the, umm, interesting parents he sees during a day of work.  It's nothing I haven't thought or felt before and certainly nothing strange to anyone who has faced infertility or loss, but it's just feeling so much bigger right now.  It's hard for me to think about much else.

Of course, it also makes us even more grateful for the miracle that is our Sprout.  It seems that she came into our lives against all odds and continues to amaze and inspire us every day.

And so I hurt for the dear friend still struggling to have her first child, for the friend going through a divorce with two young children, for friends experiencing other heartaches and losses.

I'm thankful for the love and support around me and for all the joy in my life.  But my heart is heavy today.  And I think that's okay, perhaps even necessary, so that I can find the strength and energy to face whatever may be ahead and be there to support the people I love.