Things I don't want to forget

1. This morning, I was going through our normal nap routine. I always read Sprout a story, then turn on her white noise and turn off the light, rock her and sing her a lullaby, and then put her in her crib. Today she was super tired and fell asleep while I was rocking her. Instead of putting her down, I just held her and watched her sleep. I just breathed her in and looked at her beautiful face. I felt her little twitches and sighs and just held her close. I didn't worry about the laundry or the dishes or the blog post I planned to write while she was asleep. I just enjoyed my little girl. She doesn't let me rock her like that anymore. I know these moments will be gone very soon.

2. Her new silly face this week is the "Gorilla Face." She sticks out her bottom lip and breathes kind of heavy. It is Hi-larious.

3. She is loving her finger food. It makes mealtimes pretty messy, though. Today, I've been picking little pieces of shredded chicken out of her hair since lunch. This morning, I caught her purposefully feeding a piece of baked apricot to our dog.

4. She is definitely learning to test her limits. I am seeing the end of baby days and the beginning of toddler-dom and I'm not sure I like it!

5. DH got a new Ergo and has been carrying Sprout on he back this week. She loooves it. I tried it out, too, and it is so much more comfortable than the other carriers we have. Having her on my back is also much more convenient. She even fell asleep in there yesterday.

6. She reads to herself. She flips through books and talks/babbles. I love, love, love it. One of the best ways to calm her down is to read her a story. I really hope she continues to love books throughout her life.

7. We set a date for her birthday party. But I'm still in denial. How can she possibly be old enough for that?

8. She was kissing me today - big slobbery kisses on my face. Disgusting, but adorable. I do love that little girl. She also is learning the art of the "high five."

It truly is amazing to see her learn new things every day. It's a little scary, too, knowing that she's watching everything we do and starting to imitate us.

As you can see, we've been busy and I'm falling off the blog challenge wagon. I hope I still get credit if I do 2 posts in one day:) I won't have to if I manage to post over the weekend every day. We'll see how that goes!

Exercise Sucess!

I arrived this morning at the YMCA childcare room and one of the ladies has been there every time I brought Sprout. She said that the other lady doesn't have any kids and is really a nervous type. She asked me if I wanted them to let her fuss and cry a little more to see if she would settle down. I was on board with that plan since she was perfectly happy until we walked into the room. She just didn't want me to leave. Little bugger.

The cycling room is right next to the daycare, and I got there and realized I'd forgotten my water bottle. A nice guy from the class went into get it for me so that I didn't have to go in and get her all upset again. She settled in pretty well. The lady said that she was fine most of the time. She had a poopy diaper and every now and then she'd slow down and think about things and fuss a little (she missed her mama!), but was otherwise fine.

So I made it through a cycling class. And I managed to keep up the whole time, too. Yay! Now, the challenge is to stay motivated and hope Sprout continues to cooperate.

YMCA fail

Sprout decided once again that she didn't like the childcare folks at the Y. She did so well the first couple of days we went, but the last two days have been disasters. DH is off tomorrow, so we're planning to take her swimming instead. We'll try the childcare again on Wednesday and maybe I can make it through an entire spin class.

I really want to make this work. I need the exercise and I think it will be good for her, but right now, I'm just a little frustrated. Let's hope she settles in and decides that the nice ladies aren't so bad, even if they aren't mommy.

On another note, I gained half a pound last week. Boo! I was down a pound or two on Friday, but apparently I celebrated a little too much on our big date night. I gotta do better this week. I need to keep moving in the right direction at least.

Girlfriend getaway dilemma

So I have 3 girlfriends from college. We've remained close through the years, despite being scattered about the country. One friend decided that we all needed to get together this year and we all thought it sounded like a great idea and set the ball rolling. Then things got complicated. First, I said I wasn't willing to go without Sprout until at least after her birthday since I'm breastfeeding. So, we set a date a few weeks later. Then, Friend #1 who was organizing it all got pregnant and also has been facing some financial difficulties, so she proposed a more scaled back get-together somewhere cheaper. I was fine with that.

Second girlfriend decides that we MUST go to Vegas and proposes that the rest of us chip in and pay for First friend's hotel as a pre-baby present. No problem. Sounds fun and I can swing the extra cash. Except then I figure out that there are no direct flights from here and it's going to take me 9 hours each way to get to Vegas. For a 3 day weekend, I'll spend 2 days traveling.

So then, we discuss adding an extra day, but I'm really concerned about where I'll be in the weaning process and hate feeling pressured to be done by then, but does it make sense to take a 4 day break? I don't know. I initially planned to be done weaning by her birthday, but I had so many struggles along the way and now it's going so well, so I can see wanting to hang onto a feeding or two for quite some time. I don't want a little getaway to be an influence on that decision.

This is my personal dilemma and doesn't really have to do with anyone else except that girlfriend #2 who decided we had to go to Vegas missed girlfriend #3's wedding shower last year for exactly the same reason - she just didn't want to feel pressure to wean. So it kinda ticks me off that she's the one putting pressure on me to do something she refused to do herself.

So, I'm still planning to go, and I know we'll have a blast, but I'm on the fence about the extra day and I have to research and make sure there aren't any more flight options than I initially found. In the end, I do realize that one extra day probably isn't going to be that big of a deal and I think it's really just hard because I'm having trouble coming to terms with the end of our breastfeeding relationship. I finally enjoy it and suddenly, instead of counting down the days until I can start weaning, I'm sad that we'll be losing some really special moments.

I'm trying

I went to spin class again today. I was still sore from Wednesday, but I went anyway. About halfway through, the childcare folks came to get me because Sprout wouldn't stop fussing. I was glad. I think she could feel my, "I don't think I'm going to make it another half an hour" vibes. I got her in the car and heard her grunting and pooping all the way home. By the time we got there, she felt much better! I'm going to try to make going to the gym part of our daily routine. I hope I enjoy it enough to stick to it.

DH and I are going to a concert tomorrow night. I have to admit that I'm not to excited about it, but we are staying in a hotel for the night and sleeping in on Sunday. I am excited about that. We decided that driving and hour and a half home after a concert was probably not going to be fun. I kind of feel bad that we just left Sophia for a whole weekend and now we're leaving her again, but she doesn't seem to mind, and my mom loves having her, so date night it is!

Things I don't want to forget

Sprout and I have been busy this week!

I never want to forget:

1. Her sour face when she tries a new food. She scrunches up her face so much, you'd think she just sucked on a lemon. Then she promptly eats more. Cracks me up.

2. She was bee-bopping her head imitating her dad this morning. She tries to imitate us all the time - mostly DH.

3. The way she snuggles up and calms down when we sit in our rocker and read a story together.

4. The way she studies things so carefully.

5. How her daddy loves to pick out clothes for her when we go shopping. Lets just say she does not need any more denim jumpers!

6. She learned how to pet the dog instead of grabbing him. It's too cute.

7. The way she waves - just throws her hand up in the air when we say "bye-bye." Sometimes she waves it, sometimes she just looks like she wants to ask to go to the bathroom.

8. Seeing her with her first real pair of shoes.

9. Her new clicking noise. I think she spoke one of those African clicking language in a previous life. She's way more interested in strange sounds than actual language.

10. Her fearlessness and determination- it's inspiring and scary at the same time.

12. Her beautiful grey-blue eyes that look like they might be turning brown with gold flecks around the pupils.

13. The way she reaches for me when she's upset or just wants to be picked up.

Some days are harder than others

I'm not sure why, but yesterday, I really woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I'm sure that it was partially hormonal, but my crabbiness was worse than usual. I was short with Sophia and everything DH did seemed to annoy. Then, my iPhone fell out of my pocket when I went to the bathroom. Yep, plopped into the toilet. I fished it out only to watch it die. It was sad. I officially can no longer tease DH about the time he dropped the hospital pager into the toilet. At least I don't have to go tell my boss about what happened :)

Then, I was writing in my journal last night and just lost it. I was sobbing like crazy. Just feeling like a failure, like I should be able to do better, do more, be a better mom. I'm not a lot better today, but I am a little better, so I guess I just keep trucking.

I did make it to the YMCA this morning. Sprout had a blast in their childcare, but she also had a little foam heart and a piece of paper towel in her mouth when I picked her up, so I'm not sure how closely they were watching her. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt once, probably, because I could see the horror on their faces when I pulled stuff out of her mouth. It looks like they are used to dealing with older kids. Maybe getting out and getting moving will help my general disposition.