Filled with the Spirit

Sprout was a hoot at church today.  Apparently she was moved by the spirit - or they gave her too much apple juice in the church nursery.

DH went to get her from the nursery before communion. She came in and when we all were kneeling in prayer she sat and folded her hands and bowed her head and really tried to say the Lord's prayer with the congregation.  She managed a few words here and there and then, after everyone had finished, she shouted, "Amen!" to a quiet church. There was an audible chuckle.

Then, when we were waiting for our turn for communion, she kept begging, "Go up to the church, please!" As we were walking forward, she said, "Go up to the pillows!" (referring to the kneeling pillows at the communion rail).  On our way back, she told DH, "Very good job eating!" All of this was in her loud toddler voice in an otherwise very quiet church, so everyone heard the play-by-play.

Back at the pew, she spent a lot of time jumping up and down, she prayed some more, shouted, "Amen!" and "alleluia" at other appropriate times (though a few seconds after everyone else), and then got extremely upset during the recessional hymn when they were putting out the candles.  She cried, "turn them back on please!"

So, it was a memorable Pentecost Sunday for us.  And I'm a little proud.  She may still have a bit to learn about appropriate church behavior, but she clearly was paying attention, was happy to be there, and wanted to participate.  I figure we're doing something right!

Tough Times

So many people around me are going through some really tough stuff.  I've had a really heavy heart.

In our own lives, our struggle to conceive is starting to loom larger and larger.  I will likely be scheduling my HSG within the week.  Then we have to decide whether to go forward with treatment and when we will start.  It's keeping me up at night because I have a lot of conflicting thoughts and ideas and emotions about all of this.

Last night, the hubby and I cuddled, crying and talking about how unfair it all is - his siblings and all their "oops" babies, the middle school nurse talking about the number of kids getting pregnant, all the, umm, interesting parents he sees during a day of work.  It's nothing I haven't thought or felt before and certainly nothing strange to anyone who has faced infertility or loss, but it's just feeling so much bigger right now.  It's hard for me to think about much else.

Of course, it also makes us even more grateful for the miracle that is our Sprout.  It seems that she came into our lives against all odds and continues to amaze and inspire us every day.

And so I hurt for the dear friend still struggling to have her first child, for the friend going through a divorce with two young children, for friends experiencing other heartaches and losses.

I'm thankful for the love and support around me and for all the joy in my life.  But my heart is heavy today.  And I think that's okay, perhaps even necessary, so that I can find the strength and energy to face whatever may be ahead and be there to support the people I love.

Perfect Day

Cuddling in bed, reading books.
Keeping our pajamas on until lunch time.
Playing, singing, laughing, reading.
Tea parties and block towers.
A long nap for my girl and I.
Practicing Eskimo kisses.
An old friend from out of town for a spaghetti dinner.
Splashes in the bathtub and only smiles during tooth brushing.
Listening to a dramatic recitation of Harry the Dirty Dog after lights out.

Didn't get much accomplished, but there will be plenty of time for chores another day.
Because today was perfect just as it was.

TTC and me

So, it's been well over a year since we started trying to conceive our second child.  It took us about a year to conceive Sophia, so I really didn't start getting concerned until after the one year mark.  But, the time has come to look into what is going on and what we can do about it.

I had some simple blood tests done in the last couple of weeks and DH had an SA - everything was normal, so my OBGYN suggested seeing an RE.  He said that if I were younger, he might try a few things locally first, but since I'm no spring chicken, he felt better having us go directly to a specialist.  Fun times!

Unfortunately, the closes REs are about an hour away, so this will add complications!  Anyway, I met with an RE this week and really liked her.  I'll be having an HSG during my next cycle.  She didn't expect that to show anything, since I've already had a successful pregnancy, but wanted to make sure.  The following cycle, we are probably going to have a medicated, timed intercourse cycle.  This means that I will have the same drug protocol as an IUI patient, but we will not do the insemination, we will just be intructed how to carefully time our intercourse.

The good news is that everything will be covered by my insurance (in differing percentages).  If we were to go to IUI, nothing would be covered at all and given my history and all of our test results, the RE didn't think IUI would give us much better odds than timed intercourse.

I'm still a little leary of all of this stuff.  I am scared of all the drugs and the emotional and physical toll this can all have.  I am holding out hope that we will get pregnant on our own in the next couple of cycles so that I can avoid all of it!  I'm not even sure I want to do this, but I so want another child.  It's not an easy thing for me to think about.

So keep us in your thoughts as we begin our journey into IF and all it entails.

And as a little bonus, here's a silly picture of our little girl.  She's gotten so big!

I'm a Mess

I'm a mess.  My desk is overflowing.  I can't find things.  I need to get organized.

But I'm trying to figure out how to walk the line between actually doing something about it and making myself crazy thinking about how I need to do something about it.  I'm never going to have everything neatly arranged, but something has to give because it's stressing me out.

I had this problem when I was teaching and I was, in time, able to figure out systems that really worked for me.  People complemented me for having such an organized classroom.  Ha!  What they didn't know is that I had to get things organized (and have my students take over a lot of responsibility) or I was going to drown.

I'm at that point again, but I haven't figured out how to fix it.  And just like my classroom, I don't think any one else's system is going to quite work for me, so I have to find the time to figure it out for myself.  I don't think I'll ever be clutter free, but I need to find a place where the clutter and lack of organization doesn't cause me stress.  All the changes in my life (motherhood, ministry) mean that what used to work doesn't any more.

So, now what?

First Day of School

So, our little Sprout started school yesterday. DH actually picked out the outfit. Can you believe it?

As predicted, she loved it and begs for "school please," when she's not there. It sounds like she wore her teachers out, though. It's going to take her some time to get into the swing of things. She has to learn how to use one thing at a time and put it away and participate in group activities. All of this will be great for her, but will take some time to adjust. She is attending a Montessori school, so I'm really excited about the chance for her to grow and learn at her own pace and get lots of individual attention. We think she will thrive in this environment once she figures out the structure and rules. I think it will take her a couple of weeks at the most, but we shall see!

I really didn't think I would get teary, but when I was talking to the director, I did tear up a bit. It's just hard to believe that she is so grown up already. She is an amazing little girl and I can't wait to see what she has in store for us next!

Preschool

Is this really happening?

I took Sprout for her preschool "interview" today at the local Montessori school. They officially begin at age 2.5, but they said that they would interview her and if she was ready, she could start a couple months early.

Well, I guess she's ready! She starts next week. It's so hard to believe that she's big enough to start school! She is going to absolutely love it. She loved the interview so much she's been saying, "school please!" ever since. I can't wait to see how much she is going to learn.

She has done a lot of Mother's Day out programs, which has been great, but I know this experience will be wonderful for her.