What did I do?

So, last night, DH and I were talking and I was trying to figure out how in the world I stayed home almost completely for the first few months of Sprout's life. Now things are so busy and we go out and do something almost every day unless she's sick or something.

Then I remembered. She was a miserable, colicky, newborn that nursed 30-45 minutes out of every 2 hour period. Basically I nursed for 4 months! Actually, that schedule continued for quite a few months after that, but finally most of her feedings shortened and I could nurse her for a few minutes while out and about (still 20-30 minutes until she was about ready to wean at 11 or 12 months).

I have to admit that thinking about doing that again makes me cringe. I love that I breastfed her, but the newness of motherhood and the overwhelming exhaustion just let me to put one foot in front of the other. I didn't really think about what I could be doing. If/when we have another baby, it will be different. If s/he nurses the same way it will be incredibly hard on Sprout and me. I'm really not sure if we'll be able to EBF if that's the case. I'm hoping for one of those babies that can finish a meal in 5-10 minutes and to avoid a lot of the supply and pain issues I had during the first 6 months that made it even harder for me to nurse when I wasn't home in my comfy chair.

There's no way to know the future, but there's been a lot of talk in my circles lately about breastfeeding. I did it. I loved it. I hated it. It's a blessing and a sacrifice. The loss of freedom didn't really bother me until toward the end, but thinking about the future, it bothers me a lot. I know that I will do my very best to breastfeed any future children, but if I said that my feelings about it were all of smiles and cuddles and sweet baby smells, I'd be lying.