Before I go on, I'll point out that I am a breastfeeding (well was until recently), cloth-diapering, baby-wearing mom. I don't necessarily have anything against particular decisions people make, just the idea that what they are doing must be "right" because it's "natural" or "it's the way it's been done for thousands of years."
People justify their decisions by referencing parenting practices in developing countries. I guess they feel that since these countries haven't been corrupted by the medical community or the other entrapments of development, they must be better in some way.
I lived in a developing country for nearly 3 years. I really got to know a lot about the people and the culture there. And in the end, there were beautiful wonderful things that I will carry with me always and that I hope will be a part of my life and my mothering. And there were other things that were frightening and that I rejected with every fiber of my being.
I think baby-wearing is great, because it makes my baby happy and allows me to do things more freely - not because the women in Malawi do it. You see, in that culture, a mother must be with her baby every moment of every day until the child is weaned, and even then she is soley responsible for childcare. She wears the baby because she has little choice. She must care for the baby while still maintaining her household, cooking and cleaning and tending the garden. It certainly bonds her to the baby, but sometimes it is not a choice that she makes.
I chose to breastfeed because I know it was healthy for my baby and I hoped for a special bonding experience. But there are many women in the world that have no choice. When I was struggling with breastfeeding, I often thought about those women. If they had supply issues or couldn't get their babies to latch, it was a life-or-death situation.
And women gave birth at home or at a local clinic tended by a midwife. There is something wonderful about that and I don't think badly of anyone who chooses a home birth or a midwife, but when their reasons are "women all over the world do it this way," I do raise my eyebrows. Probably because I saw just how many babies didn't survive in one of those places. I also knew a woman in my village who died in childbirth. We are so lucky to have options and back-up plans. It's not like that "all over the world."
I guess the point of all of this is to say that I feel so very blessed to live in a place where we have so many options and choices. I just think that sometimes we forget that they are just that - choices. In the West, sometimes, we have a tendency to romanticize village life and think about it like some really great, extended camping trip. I loved my time in Africa. I took with me many lessons that make me a better mom. I became aware of more options and ways of doing things. But I never took for granted that the way things were done there were "right." Perhaps because I didn't just see a documentary. I lived there and I got to see the beautiful parts of the culture, but also the ugly parts.
There are many days that I long for the simplicity of village life and miss the amazing community of women that surrounded me there. I wish I could take that spirit and infuse it into my community here. But I am also so thankful for all of the opportunities and choices that I have for myself and will be able to provide for my daughter. It's wonderful to look for ideas and take things from other peoples and cultures, but when we fail to see the big picture, we make them into charicatures. We forget their daily struggles and the obstacles they face to simply access basic health care and education. We dismiss our responsibility to help the women in those parts of the world have those same choices we often take for granted.
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