What is so hard?

I wonder that sometimes. Why is being a mom so difficult? Especially now that Sprout is older, there is really very little in my day that is actually that tough. She's feeding well most of the time. Her tears are usually calmed fairly quickly. She sleeps well (knock on wood). And yet, I find myself so overwhelmed sometimes. By what, exactly? It's not hard to do the dishes or play with Sprout or wash the diapers. It's not even that hard to take her out shopping anymore. But it still feels like I'm drowning sometimes and just can't keep up. I wonder how working moms even survive when I'm home all day and can't manage to keep the house clean.

Someone reminded me yesterday that I didn't quit my job to be a housekeeper. I did it to be a mom and I needed to devote myself to that. Okay, that sounds great, but I often feel like I don't do that very well either. Shouldn't I be doing more? Should I be reading more? Playing with different things? Researching new activities? Taking her on more trips? Maybe I'm just in a funk, but I just can't help thinking that I'm continually failing where other moms seem to have it all together and I really can't figure out why.

10 Month Photo Shoot

Reading a story to her giraffe

See ya later, alligator!

Ape Face

We went by DH's office and weighed her last week and it looks like she's about 18 pounds. We didn't make her strip since it wasn't an official weigh in, so it's not super accurate. We tried a photo shoot the same day, but she wasn't into it. Luckily, she was a little happier over the weekend. I can't believe how big she's getting and how she's changing from a baby into a little girl. It's a miracle to watch every day with her.

My Mom

So, growing up, my mom and I didn't get along at all. She was very angry and emotionally abusive at times. However, once she and my father finally divorced, she went on anti-depressants for awhile, lost a bunch of weight, started dating, and found her current husband, she became a different woman. He is an odd bird, for sure, but I'm happy he is in our lives because my mom is so much happier and more agreeable!

Anyway, about 2 years ago, her husband got a job in a nearby city. After 15 years of living across the country from her, she moved to a house that is an hour and a half drive away. I was really nervous. I mean, we'd grown closer over the years, but it's hard to shake all that childhood trauma and being an hour and a half away is a lot different than when we needed a plane ticket to see each other.

I needn't have worried, though. She has been a fabulous grandma. She loves to smock dresses and make things for Sophia. All I have to do is tell her what she needs and she whips it up. In the last month, she made a crib rail teething cover, a dress, mended a wet bag for the diaper pail, and made new curtains for the nursery. We picked out fabric this week for a birthday dress. Well, she is going to make a dress with a pinafore and we are going to change out the pinafore for birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and maybe Christmas. It's going to be adorable!

She visits about once a week, or I go up and see her so she can have some time with Sophia. She may roll her eyes about some of the things that we do, but she never argues or tries to give much advice. She respects our decisions and never tries to undermine or do things she knows we avoid. She says things that bug me fairly often, but nothing terrible, and don't all moms do that? She babysits and she knows Sophia so well, that I really don't worry about her. I'm nervous to have someone else watch her that doesn't know and love her so well. Sometimes I admit to getting a little jealous, wondering if she oooohed and aaaahed over me that much when I was a baby!

I think I also understand things a little better from my childhood. I think she was really doing her best, but was frustrated and depressed. I'm glad I moved away for college and we had some space because I really enjoy our relationship now. She really is a big support to me and it sometimes amazes me. If you'd told me at age 10 or 15 or even 21 that I'd consider my mom one of my closest friends, I would have assumed you knew nothing about me and my mom or were just crazy.

(PS. She also has an Etsy shop. It's under construction, so I'll probably talk about it again in the future, but check out her stuff! http://www.etsy.com/shop/mayflycreations)

PSA From the Good Dr. DH

Most of my readers know that DH is a pediatrician. I got the following text message from him recently:

"Just diagnosed 2 more cases of pertussis. Tell your blog ladies to get their kids vaccinated!"

His practice has seen quite a few kids with pertussis and it's spreading rapidly all over the country. Not only do your kids need the vaccine, but most adults need a booster, too. If you've had a tetanus booster recently, then you are likely in good shape, but otherwise, you should get another dose. The childhood series is 5 shots. Usually, they are done at 2,4,and 6 months (giving about 50% immunity), then again at 18 months and at around 4 years. A child is not considered fully protected until that last shot, so it's even more important that the adults and older kids around them are protected.

So, that's DH's contribution to my blog this week. Isn't it nice that he cares about all your kids, too? :)

Things I don't want to forget

1. This morning, I was going through our normal nap routine. I always read Sprout a story, then turn on her white noise and turn off the light, rock her and sing her a lullaby, and then put her in her crib. Today she was super tired and fell asleep while I was rocking her. Instead of putting her down, I just held her and watched her sleep. I just breathed her in and looked at her beautiful face. I felt her little twitches and sighs and just held her close. I didn't worry about the laundry or the dishes or the blog post I planned to write while she was asleep. I just enjoyed my little girl. She doesn't let me rock her like that anymore. I know these moments will be gone very soon.

2. Her new silly face this week is the "Gorilla Face." She sticks out her bottom lip and breathes kind of heavy. It is Hi-larious.

3. She is loving her finger food. It makes mealtimes pretty messy, though. Today, I've been picking little pieces of shredded chicken out of her hair since lunch. This morning, I caught her purposefully feeding a piece of baked apricot to our dog.

4. She is definitely learning to test her limits. I am seeing the end of baby days and the beginning of toddler-dom and I'm not sure I like it!

5. DH got a new Ergo and has been carrying Sprout on he back this week. She loooves it. I tried it out, too, and it is so much more comfortable than the other carriers we have. Having her on my back is also much more convenient. She even fell asleep in there yesterday.

6. She reads to herself. She flips through books and talks/babbles. I love, love, love it. One of the best ways to calm her down is to read her a story. I really hope she continues to love books throughout her life.

7. We set a date for her birthday party. But I'm still in denial. How can she possibly be old enough for that?

8. She was kissing me today - big slobbery kisses on my face. Disgusting, but adorable. I do love that little girl. She also is learning the art of the "high five."

It truly is amazing to see her learn new things every day. It's a little scary, too, knowing that she's watching everything we do and starting to imitate us.

As you can see, we've been busy and I'm falling off the blog challenge wagon. I hope I still get credit if I do 2 posts in one day:) I won't have to if I manage to post over the weekend every day. We'll see how that goes!

Exercise Sucess!

I arrived this morning at the YMCA childcare room and one of the ladies has been there every time I brought Sprout. She said that the other lady doesn't have any kids and is really a nervous type. She asked me if I wanted them to let her fuss and cry a little more to see if she would settle down. I was on board with that plan since she was perfectly happy until we walked into the room. She just didn't want me to leave. Little bugger.

The cycling room is right next to the daycare, and I got there and realized I'd forgotten my water bottle. A nice guy from the class went into get it for me so that I didn't have to go in and get her all upset again. She settled in pretty well. The lady said that she was fine most of the time. She had a poopy diaper and every now and then she'd slow down and think about things and fuss a little (she missed her mama!), but was otherwise fine.

So I made it through a cycling class. And I managed to keep up the whole time, too. Yay! Now, the challenge is to stay motivated and hope Sprout continues to cooperate.

YMCA fail

Sprout decided once again that she didn't like the childcare folks at the Y. She did so well the first couple of days we went, but the last two days have been disasters. DH is off tomorrow, so we're planning to take her swimming instead. We'll try the childcare again on Wednesday and maybe I can make it through an entire spin class.

I really want to make this work. I need the exercise and I think it will be good for her, but right now, I'm just a little frustrated. Let's hope she settles in and decides that the nice ladies aren't so bad, even if they aren't mommy.

On another note, I gained half a pound last week. Boo! I was down a pound or two on Friday, but apparently I celebrated a little too much on our big date night. I gotta do better this week. I need to keep moving in the right direction at least.