Colds, Breastfeeding, and Smiles

So, we are on the tail end of another cold. Poor Sophia. Having a pediatrician as a daddy does have it's downside. He tries so hard not to get her sick, but I think it's inevitable. Luckily, it's just been lots of colds so far. I just hate hearing that pitiful cough.

My blisters are clearing up, thankfully, and I've resigned myself to wearing plastic nipple shells for the duration of breastfeeding. I hate them, but they are a lot better than the blisters. We get to start solids soon. I can't wait. I'm experiencing breastfeeding burnout. And I don't feel like I can take much of a break because we went through a good bit of my freezer stash during the last round of blisters. I had also stopped pumping so now I'm only getting an ounce or two at my evening pumping, so it takes me 3 days to have enough for one feed. It's going to take a little while to build things up again.

I love having a smiling and interactive little girl. It makes everything so much easier. She may have been late to smile and had her parents worried, but she's making up for lost time and I'm loving every minute. It has done wonders for her daddy's mood, too. I can see him not wanting to leave her in the morning and soaking it up during the evening instead of trying to find excuses to hand her off. We're enjoying the reprieve between colic and teething. May it last awhile!

Tummy Sleeping

So, now that our little girl can roll over like a champ, she has decided that she likes to sleep on her tummy. The first few nights that she did this, we went in and flipped her back over before we went to bed for the night and she stayed on her back most of the night. But she figured us out quick. Now, as soon as I put her down in the crib, she rolls over. There's no stopping her and we just have to let her sleep the way she wants. I know I shouldn't worry so much, but I do. The public service announcements for "Back to Sleep" have been drilled into my brain. And then there is the drool problem. She drools and kind of sucks on the sheet, so I'm having to change them a lot more often, which is a pain. I need to find something else to put under her, but since she's sleeping on her belly, I don't want anything that could end up blocking her face in any way, so those small flannel pads are out and most of the other waterproof things I have feel way too scratchy to be by her face. So, for now, I guess I'll just pray an extra prayer before going to bed and change a lot of sheets.

Ups and Downs of Mommyhood

I have all sorts of blog posts swirling around in my head all the time, but finding the time and energy to write them down has been a challenge. If I could blog easily from my iPhone while breastfeeding, then I'd be doing it all the time. Oh well. So, here's a short summary of recent events:

Downs:

• My little girl has yet another cold. We knew it was inevitable when DH and I both got sick, but it's still sad.
• I have another bad round of nipple blisters. I really thought I had it under control. I went without the plastic nipple covers for 1 day and the next day they were back. It hurts. I hate when I dread feeding my daughter.
• I'm getting really tired of breastfeeding and feeling guilty about the fact that I'm getting tired of it. Besides the pain and blisters problem, I just feel so tied down lately. She eats just about every 2 hours all day and she's a slow eater, taking at least 30 minutes most feedings. There aren't many things you can do in an hour and a half, and breastfeeding in random places is boring and annoying a lot of times.

Ups:

• Our baby girl has come alive in the past few weeks. She's smiling and giggling and interacting all the time. Others may worry about vaccinations, but after both of her vaccination appointments, she had big developmental leaps. I realize they are likely coincidental, but it is pretty funny. I told DH that the next time we're worried about her development, we just need to take her in for a shot.
• My best friend came to visit this week. It was so nice to have a friend around to talk to. I really gotta find some mommy friends around here soon.
• DH and I had a date last weekend. We enjoyed being a couple again for awhile. It's amazing how things have gotten better with us since Sophia's attitude adjustment. Her smiles and giggles just make dealing with everything else so much easier.

Now that's a good day!

DH was off of work and it was rainy and cold outside, so we stayed together and enjoyed a lovely day as a family. Sophia was in especially good spirits. She was smiling and playing and having fun. At one point she rolled over from her back to her belly and got so excited that she laughed. What a sweet, sweet sound. I think DH and I both teared up a little. Then she rolled over again! She was so excited!

Of course, she realized that she could move by rolling over and cover some ground, so this means that we're going have to watch her a little more closely now - and the floor where she plays. I kept finding things on the floor in that area that could easily end up in her mouth. It's just the beginning, I know.

It was so nice to have such a calm and happy day. All the sleep stresses and other things happening in our lives have had me a little edgy lately. It was just what I needed so that I didn't completely lose my mind when she refused to nap this morning again. We might just make it, Sophia and I.

Four Month Check Up and More Sleep Struggles

Sophia had her four month check-up last week and did beautifully. She is a long and lean little girl. She's 25.5 inches long, which is the 90th percentile for 4 month-olds, and the 50th percentile for 7 month-olds! She's only 12 pounds, 8 ounces, though - the 17th percentile. She's a long, lean little girl. Her weight percentile has dropped since her 2 month check, but is consistent with her earlier weight checks, so we're not too worried, but will do an informal weight check in a month to make sure she's not falling further off the curve. I got nervous at first, with all our problems in the beginning, but DH assured me that there was no reason to be concerned.

Otherwise, everything checked out great. We're still a little concerned with her social skills. She smiles very little and isn't super interactive, but she does smile occasionally and interact with others, so it's not a huge concern yet. We just keep watching and encouraging her. She handled her shots like a trooper.

As for our sleep struggles - they continue. She's doing great at night and is no longer waking up multiple times. She still has trouble getting to sleep a lot of times, but it's getting better. Nap time is still a struggle, but I think it's getting better. I've decided to ditch everything from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, because it was making me crazy. He basically was saying that you have to catch a magical moment of sleepiness in order to get the baby to sleep. Maybe other babies flash neon signs or something, but I can't find any such clues for our little girl.

Ferber's book makes more sense for our family and we're making some progress. he basically says that you decide what you want the schedule to be (allowing for developmental sleep needs) and just do it. Put them down when you want nap time to be, and they'll eventually adjust their rhythms to your schedule. To start, he suggested pushing things a little later than you expect to make sure the child is sufficiently tired. So that's what we've been doing and we've seen some marked progress.

She's still inconsistent - taking 20 minute naps sometimes and an hour and a half at others, but I think we're on our way, which makes me super duper happy. I'm in a much better mood and even DH commented that we were both in much better spirits. I hope it continues to get better and I don't have to endure 20 minutes or more of crying for every nap. It's hard on a mama to listen to that, but seeing her happy and playful after a good nap makes it worthwhile. She clearly was overtired before. And I'm not making myself crazy trying to identify her perfect sleep time and just making myself crazy and feeling like a bad mom because I couldn't find it.

Judgement

So, we're on night 3 of sleep training and Sophia is asleep. She hardly cried at all. This is amazing because she wailed every time I put her down for a nap today. Perhaps we're making progress. I really hope so. All the sleep training got me thinking about some of the other things we do that I feel judged for by others. Here are a few:

1. We did not take our her out for the first two months. DH thought it was really important but so many people gave us a hard time about it.

2. Cloth diapers - the online community is pretty supportive, but boy have I gotten some comments from folks in real life!

3. I don't always dress her in "girly" clothes. We have a lot of gender-neutral things and also clothes that are supposedly for boys. I don't really understand why just because something is blue or has polar bears on it instead of ballerinas it has to be for a boy.

4. She takes medicine for reflux. I don't know why this bothers people, but it does. "How can a baby have acid reflux?" Ummm...if you dealt with the screams and refusal to eat, you'd give her anything you could to help!

5. I breastfeed in public without a cover. I never thought I would, but when I went on vacation and had to feed her in public a lot, the cover was just annoying. I hated it because I couldn't see to get her latched and she hated it, too. So I just chucked it. Occasionally, if I'm with someone who appears uncomfortable, I throw a receiving blanket over my shoulder, but usually I don't bother. I worry a little about running into my former middle school students, but in the end, getting her fed is the most important thing for everyone.

I'm sure there are tons of other things, too, but those are the first ones to come to mind today.

Sleep Training Sucks

She looks so sweet all swaddled up and asleep, but alas, our little girl is growing up...

In the last few days, our little sweet girl decided, that on top of refusing to take naps consistently, she would also break out of her swaddle and wake up repeatedly at night. We'd been talking about sleep training for awhile, but we decided that since we were going to have to stop swaddling, anyway, we'd just go "in for a penny, in for a pound." So we basically opted for Ferber's method.

Now, judge me if you wish, but I really, truly do not believe that crying is going to permanently damage a child and that all of this is for her own good. However, it is really tough not to go to her when she is so miserable. I also think that it's necessary for my sanity. I've read the opinions out there that say leaving a baby to cry is abandonment. I'm willing to bet that in the frazzled state I've been in due to our sleep problems, I was in more danger of causing her stress by my inability to stay calm and loving. I never hurt her, but I was getting frustrated and certainly letting her know it. It wasn't good for either of us. So, I really hope that in a few days, we can move on and be a happier, well-rested family. In the meantime, it's hard.

The poor thing cried so loud and long that she lost her voice. But, she eventually did fall asleep and slept through the night. I hope tonight is easier. Her morning nap, she only cried for about 10 minutes and settled down, so I thought we were making progress, but the afternoon nap was a complete fail. This was possibly our own fault because we took her out to lunch with us and she ended up dozing for a few minutes, despite my best efforts. She's now sitting on my lap playing with a new crinkly cloth book and babbling away. I guess there's no permanent damage (to her, anyway). I'm going to feed her again and we're going to make another attempt. I don't know if I can stand it. It's a good thing DH has been here because I would have totally caved in.

Just so you're not too worried, she has shown that she can settle and soothe herself when she wants to. She just doesn't want to sleep. Apparently that's normal for this age, but she's overtired, and there has to be a change.