What I've Been Up To

So I've been a less than faithful blogger and I won't make any promises I can't keep about keeping up better, but I figured I'd explain a big part of what's going on with me. I've mentioned it once before, but It's been taking up a lot of my time and energy lately, so here's the story.

Over the last year, I’ve been in an intense discernment process, teasing out a call to the diaconate in the Episcopal Church. In the Episcopal Church, a deacon is an ordained minister that serves as a bridge, bringing the needs of the world to the attention of the Church, and connecting the Church, in a meaningful way, with the needs of the world, especially the “poor, weak, sick, and lonely.” When I first joined the Episcopal Church about 5 years ago, I learned about diaconal ministry and connected with the idea immediately, though it took me a while to recognize that connection as a call to ministry.

So, I began the official discernment process. I met with my parish priest several times, and talked to other deacons. One of my first steps was to determine my personal “diaconal ministry.” A Diaconal ministry is a call to serve a specific group of people in need outside of the Church. I believe that my diaconal ministry is to serve students in public schools. It has been my call throughout my life and, though I am no longer a classroom teacher, my heart is still greatly touched by those students, particularly middle school students, whose needs are so great and often overlooked.

So, I began connecting my parish to a local middle school. If we lived at our church, our children would be zoned to attend an inner city school with all of the problems and needs that implies. So, I set out to learn more about the school and how we could begin building a positive relationship. Our parish is now an official “Partner in Education” with the school. Among other things, we stock a clothing closet for needy students, we have provided basic supplies for students and teachers, we hosted teachers at our church for inservice days, and we have several volunteers working regularly at the school. It has been exciting and affirming to see people respond to the needs of students and teachers so generously and I look forward to seeing the ministry continue to grow.

As part of my discernment, I also wrote a “spiritual autobiography,” met with a discernment committee made up of members of my parish, met with my bishop, and completed a long list of other bureaucratic tasks. Throughout the process, my sense of calling only became stronger.

Most recently, I met with the Commission on Ministry of our diocese. It was a two-day event in which I had several interviews, got to know priests and deacons from around the diocese and met the other people from our area aspiring to holy orders as priests or deacons. It was exhausting, but also exciting. This group of people are responsible for making recommendations to the bishop concerning who should continue to the next phase and begin official training for ordained ministry.

Fortunately, the Commission on Ministry recognized my call and I will soon begin the formal training process to become a deacon. I’m not yet sure of the details as there are changes underway, but it is an education and training program that will last several years.

So, there you have it! I appreciate all the support and encouragement I’ve received so far and now that I’m on my way, you’ll probably be hearing more about my journey. Please feel free to ask any questions and keep me in your prayers as I move forward!

My Sweet Two Year Old

I used to get so annoyed at all the people who kept telling me how time would fly or how they couldn't believe how big their babies were now. It bothered me when the 9456th person told me "your life is going to change," while I was pregnant. But I get it now. I really do. They weren't trying to be snotty or condescending. They were just trying to convey some profound truths about parenting that escape words.

Time passes and your baby becomes a little person, and in time, she will become a big person. Yet, you can't ever really detach yourself from the person she was at every stage - when we first learned she was coming, when she was a tiny newborn, and every stage she has gone through. To me, she will always be all of these people. She won't remember what she was like at age two, but I will and I'll treasure these memories.

I'll recall how she would climb up into my lap and beg me to read her a story one more time. I'll remember how I marveled at the fact that she started to recognize word and beg to go to the library for books. I'll remember the cheeky grin as she ran to me when she knew she'd done something wrong and that little mischievous twinkle in her eye.

So, maybe, at some point, I'll become one of those people who tells an expectant parent that their life is going to change, because I'll want to tell them but fail, too, to articulate how profoundly the experience of being a parent changes you, your life, all the people around you. How I'm not the same person I was before I became a mother, and how it has made me see the whole world just a little differently.

Best laid plans...

So, we stopped preventing pregnancy over a year ago. We started TTC in January. I'm starting to get frustrated and a little sad that things aren't working out as planned. The longer it takes to have #2, the less chance there is for having #3, since I'm not getting any younger. I'm kinda bummed and it gets worse as the months progress.

However, I spent some time with my grandmother this week. I asked her what my mom was like at Sprout's age. She said that she really couldn't remember because she had just had my aunt and was just trying to survive with a new baby and a toddler. I asked everyone what I was like and no one could remember because everyone was consumed with my brother only 16 months older.

And I just kept chatting and watching my mom play with Sprout, marveling at what an amazing little girl she is. So, I'm going to try really hard to soak in every moment I can. Remember as much as I can. Try to think about this extra time as a gift. It may not be quite what we had planned, but I can make the best of it, right? I don't know what the future holds, but I do have a pretty amazing present.

Traveling with a toddler

We travel with Sprout a lot and she is a real trooper, but it is still exhausting. Yesterday, in a hotel, I put her in her pack and play to sleep and then hid under the covers with my iPad for 30 minutes until she nodded off. The things we do for our babies! We try to get a two room suite when we can, but it's not always possible or in the budget. What are we going to do when she's in a big girl bed?!

I imagine our next child (if we are blessed with another) will be a terrible traveler, scream in the car seat, and refuse to sleep anywhere but home. And I imagine that we will travel anyway. It's too important to us to stop, but it's pretty clear that already we have stopped taking "vacations" and started just "taking trips."

We will be putting Sprout through the paces for the next month or so. Hopefully her flexible nature will
Withstand the test!

My amazing girl

I haven't said much about Sprout lately. I fear that if I tell you everything she's up to, you won't believe me, but here goes.

• She will be 2 next month. How on earth did that happen? We are planning a Chicka Chicka Boom Boom party. I can't wait!
• She knows all of her upper and lower case letters and most of the sounds that letters make. She is particularly fascinated with the letter, "h."
• She continues to memorize her books. I'm not sure I even know how many she has completely memorized right now. I love listening to her "practice" while she's in the car seat or trying to keep herself awake.
• She recognizes at least a half dozen words and knows how to spell them: her name, "mommy," "daddy," "grandma," "Flash,""cat," "stop," "on," "off," and possibly a few others. Craziness.
• She started her new KinderMusik class this week and she was in heaven. She loves it so much it's fun to watch. She moved up to the toddler class which is fun because it's more kid-focused and less parent-focused. I couldn't believe it when she sat down nicely to listen to a story. Whoah.
• She figure out how to jump this month and loves to show off her new skill, along with shuffling and marching.

I'll stop there. But I will say that the child makes my jaw drop constantly. Her vocabulary is astounding and every day, she seems to know something else that children her age aren't supposed to know. And to think a year ago I was worried because she didn't talk at all. Language explosion, indeed!

The Pediatrician: Behind the Scenes

So, you know that DH is a pediatrician. Some of his experiences and our conversations this week have made me realize that most people have no idea how things work behind the scenes and make a lot of assumptions. Obviously, every office works differently, but from the pediatrician's wife, there are a few things you may want to know:

1) When they are running behind, the doctors are not in the back playing poker. They are stressed, too. They don't want to be behind, but one complicated patient can throw off the whole day. Remember that sometime, you may be the patient that needs the extra time and TRY to be understanding. If you have been waiting longer than 20 minutes, it is perfectly reasonable to ask nicely how long things may be. Yes, they probably should tell you without asking, but things can get crazy and it doesn't always happen.

2) The doctor probably has little or nothing to do with the office staff, the receptionist, the billing folks, or the nurse you talk to at night on the phone. If you have a problem with any of those folks, you have to tell the doctor, or he probably has no idea and can't help solve your problem.

3) If you don't understand why your doctor is performing a test or prescribing a medication or you have doubts about it, please ask him. He really does want to help you and your child, but he can't read your mind. Just discarding his advice and ranting about it to everyone you know is really not helping anyone. At least give him the chance to explain it to you. You may be surprised that another option is available that could make you both happy.

4) Every doctor is different. You may not get along with a doctor and your friend may love him. That's okay. They all have different styles. It doesn't mean that one is a bad doctor, just that one is a better match for you.

There's probably a lot more, but it's taken me three sittings to get this far because, well, it's been one of those days! Stay tuned for part two!

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

After reading an article recently about helicopter parents and other such issues that quoted this book, DH and I decided to read The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, by Wendy Mogel. It was a very interesting read.

The book centers on using Jewish teachings and principles to guide parenting. I admit that I don't know a lot of details about Jewish tradition, but it was written in a way that was very accessible and made a lot of sense as someone from a related faith tradition. There was nothing earth-shattering about the advice given, but what was different was the perspective. Instead of looking at everything in purely psychological terms, explanations were woven with religious teachings and traditions. I appreciated that different point of view.

As the title suggests, the author spends a lot of time suggesting that parents need to teach and instruct more, and protect their children less. That, in protecting our children from failure, pain, and consequences, we actually handicap them because they grow up unable to cope with negative emotions or events.

Has it changed my parenting? Not really. But it did prompt some good discussions between DH and I. And we did make one pretty big change. After the chapter about electronic devices, we decided to observe a stricter form of "Sabbath." Basically, we decided that on Sunday, until sundown, we would not use any electronic gadgets - TV, Internet, cell-phones, iPads, etc. It hasn't been easy, but it has been extremely valuable. It forces us to unplug from the outside world to rest and really enjoy our time together as a family without distraction. We've also tried to make Sunday dinner more special. I don't spend all day cooking or anything, but we take out the good china and light a few candles.

It's a pretty easy read, so check it out if you get the chance.