Sleep Training Sucks

She looks so sweet all swaddled up and asleep, but alas, our little girl is growing up...

In the last few days, our little sweet girl decided, that on top of refusing to take naps consistently, she would also break out of her swaddle and wake up repeatedly at night. We'd been talking about sleep training for awhile, but we decided that since we were going to have to stop swaddling, anyway, we'd just go "in for a penny, in for a pound." So we basically opted for Ferber's method.

Now, judge me if you wish, but I really, truly do not believe that crying is going to permanently damage a child and that all of this is for her own good. However, it is really tough not to go to her when she is so miserable. I also think that it's necessary for my sanity. I've read the opinions out there that say leaving a baby to cry is abandonment. I'm willing to bet that in the frazzled state I've been in due to our sleep problems, I was in more danger of causing her stress by my inability to stay calm and loving. I never hurt her, but I was getting frustrated and certainly letting her know it. It wasn't good for either of us. So, I really hope that in a few days, we can move on and be a happier, well-rested family. In the meantime, it's hard.

The poor thing cried so loud and long that she lost her voice. But, she eventually did fall asleep and slept through the night. I hope tonight is easier. Her morning nap, she only cried for about 10 minutes and settled down, so I thought we were making progress, but the afternoon nap was a complete fail. This was possibly our own fault because we took her out to lunch with us and she ended up dozing for a few minutes, despite my best efforts. She's now sitting on my lap playing with a new crinkly cloth book and babbling away. I guess there's no permanent damage (to her, anyway). I'm going to feed her again and we're going to make another attempt. I don't know if I can stand it. It's a good thing DH has been here because I would have totally caved in.

Just so you're not too worried, she has shown that she can settle and soothe herself when she wants to. She just doesn't want to sleep. Apparently that's normal for this age, but she's overtired, and there has to be a change.

Four Months Old

When did that happen? Our little girl is growing fast. We're making progress in the nap department, but it's still a struggle, especially in the afternoons/evenings. I also really think she needs an earlier bedtime, but daddy isn't on board with that, so I'm afraid we'll be dealing with cranky evenings for awhile longer.

She's officially too big for her 0-3 month clothes now, and I'm teary just thinking about packing them up with her newborn clothes, but I'm also excited to pull out some adorable things we have in the next size, so I guess that will get me through. We have her four month check-up next week, so we'll see how well she's doing and endure another round of shots.

I am getting over another round of nipple blisters. It's insanely frustrating. I decided to sleep in a Bravado nursing bra one night since she was waking up a lot during the night again. The bras have been wonderful during the day and I think they are worth every penny still, but apparently, my breasts need more at night to keep my nipples from rubbing at all. The next day I had the beginnings of blisters forming. It hasn't been quite as bad as the last round, but I'm glad to see them finally starting to clear up. So I'm wearing non-nursing bras to sleep until I'm done nursing, I guess.

We had a lovely weekend at the beach and saw lots of snow. It was very strange, but fun. It was nice to get away for a couple of days with our girl and enjoy being a family. We're going to try one more time to have a date this week. Maybe snowfall won't ruin this one like it has the last THREE we've planned. We really need it.

Nap Breakthrough??

Sophia is on her third nap of the day and I'm kinda scared. She actually slept for an hour and forty five minutes earlier today. The secret? One of two things - either the fact that she has a cold and doesn't feel good, or the new blackout curtains I put up in her room.

She's stirring now, which makes this a rather short nap, so maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up, but it's been a good day so far. Of course, I'm going to completely throw her out of whack for the next few days. We're going to grandma's house tomorrow and a weekend at the beach, so I guess we won't really know until sometime next week. Keep your fingers crossed!

The Nap Strike Continues

It's been a tough week. I've been really working on Sophia's sleep. We implemented a pretty good nighttime routine previously and we're so fortunate that she has been sleeping through the night for quite awhile. Or at least she had been. Unfortunately, napping is a different story. I've been working for awhile on following a consistent routine for naps and putting her down as soon as she seems tired. It has made getting her to sleep much easier.

Staying asleep, however, is another story. She sleeps anywhere from 10-30 minutes and then she wakes up. Once she wakes up from her refreshing 10 minute nap, she absolutely will not go back to sleep, no matter what I do. Soothe her in the crib, rock her, sing to her, pray, let her cry for awhile, it doesn't matter. She's up. And if she was happy and well-rested, that would not be a problem. I'd just think I had a short napper. But she just gets more miserable and tired and cranky throughout the day because she's so tired. And therefore I get more miserable and tired and cranky throughout the day.

She has also begun waking up overnight and won't go back to sleep unless I feed her. Last night she was up twice and it took me two hours to get her back down after the first waking. Then she took 4 naps ranging from 15 to 40 minutes. My husband says that I should give any new routine at least 2 weeks to work and we're only through week 1, so I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing for a few more days before I make any adjustments. I did by some black out curtains for the nursery. They don't match as nice as I'd like, but they will work for now. We'll see if it makes a difference.

The worst part of this all is that I miss my happy baby. She just started smiling and interacting more when this whole nap strike began and now I rarely see a smile any more. She plays for awhile, but it seems so half-hearted, especially as the day goes on. I've searched the Internet and read the books, but there is so much conflicting advice out there on getting babies to sleep. I've come to the conclusion that there are no experts in this area, despite how many letters authors have after their names. There are as many different solutions as there are babies and we're just going to have to figure this out on our own. I really hope it's soon!

On a brighter note, feeding is going well and the nipple blister I referred to in an earlier post came and went within a day. I really hope I've found a solution. What seems to have worked are really good bras and plastic nipple cups that I put over my nipples at the first sign of soreness. So far so good. I've got my fingers crossed that breastfeeding continues to be a pleasant experience. Interestingly, I talked to a good friend that I knew had ended up exclusively pumping for her first child. What I didn't know is that she had the exact same blister problem I've been having. Its the first time I heard of anyone else dealing with this particular problem.

It's a dreary, cold weekend again. No snow here, but bad enough to keep us in. We're heading to the beach next weekend, though. I can't wait. We really need some time away from home.

Why not? 99 Things

One rule: Bold the items that you have done in your life.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightening storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Received flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Not too shabby, I guess. Does that get me off the hook for a real blog entry this week?

The short recap - Sophia is doing well, but is on a nap strike. It's a bit exhausting. No, it's extremely exhausting, so I think I'll go to sleep now because she's actually down for the night (we hope).

Difficult week (and a few pictures)

Okay, here are a few pictures that I've snapped on my iPhone over the last couple of weeks. They may not be as good as DH's photos, but hopefully they'll hold you over. She's awfully cute, isn't she? I know I'm not biased or anything.

Lots of ups and downs this week. Sophia is great. She keeps growing and interacting more. She loves her play mat and is starting to figure out that she can move. She seems only interested in rolling halfway (to her side), but thinks it's awfully cool. She definitely found her voice and coos and chats to her imaginary friends. It's the cutest thing ever.

Of course, she's also learning to assert her independence, which leads to some frustration. Getting her to take naps, especially in the afternoons has been a real challenge. I haven't figured out any secrets yet. We finally got her to go down around 6:30 tonight, which is way late. So now, I don't know what to do. Do I wake her up and give her a bath and feed her? Do I just let her sleep and see what happens? I have no idea.

We had a terrible reflux day on Tuesday. When that happens, she latches on the the breast, eats a little while and then stops suddenly, arches her back, and screams. She often tries to take my nipple with her. It's awful. I feel terrible for her when it happens. I have no idea what caused it. She's at the maximum dose of her medication, and she was much better the next day. Wednesday, the reflux was better, but she must have hit some kind of growth spurt or my supply was off because she wanted to eat all day long. She didn't sleep at all and just wanted to stay attached.

Which leads to the next bit of bad news - it looks like there's another blister forming. I was so sure I was going to stay blister free after buying expensive bras and taking really good care of things. Apparently not. I'm so frustrated that I don't know what to do. I'll see how bad it gets. Between the reflux day and that constant feeding day, I guess it was too much. I love breastfeeding when I'm not in constant pain. I don't want to give up, but if this round is as bad as the last one, I don't know if I can take it. I was seriously ready to ditch the Advil and go for the leftover percocet. It was that bad. Maybe I can pump through the worst of it and then go back to breastfeeding? I don't know, but it makes me sad. It's no big deal today. I'm just dreading what comes next.

DH and I have been trying to alternate going to the YMCA to work out. I usually just walk on their indoor track. I put on my noise-cancelling headphones and play good music. It's such a nice escape. I'm a little frustrated because DH is supposed to be there now, but he's working on a computer project instead. I just made sure he understood that I was still taking my day to go tomorrow. We agreed to work harder at being healthy, but sometimes I really feel like I'm the only one willing to follow through.

And the biggest thing I'm bummed about is that we have tickets to see a show this weekend, but it's in the city 2 hours away. My mom is set to come babysit and we get to have a date. I've been looking forward to it for weeks. The weather, however, may ruin our plans. Wintry mix is expected late Friday night into Saturday morning. Saturday's high is supposed to be 30 degrees, which means roads will be bad. My mom has to drive an hour and a half to get here, too. It's looking more and more like it may not happen. I will cry if we have to cancel. I'm almost ready to cry now. I don't think I can express how much DH and I need time away together right now.

On the bright side, he booked a hotel for Valentine's weekend, since he happens to have a three day weekend. We'll be taking Sophia with us, but a weekend at the beach sounds awfully nice.

So motherhood is wonderful and painful and amazing and frustrating. I love my little girl so much, though, and I truly can't imagine life without her. Now, do I let her sleep or wake her up?

Bad Blogger

So, I'm not so sure about this blog thing anymore. I'm terrible at it. I promise pictures, but never post any, because they're all on DH's computer. Sorry about that. I check all my email from my iPhone while I'm nursing or rocking Sophia, and blogging from there is not really possible. When I do get to the computer, I spend the few minutes I have reading and catching up on everyone else's blogs. By the time I think about updating my own, there is something (or someone) else calling. Should I even bother anymore?

Even now, I'm bouncing Sophia in her bouncy seat and feeling guilty for not interacting with her. Though she is having a ball trying to grasp the little animals hanging from the seat. She's just figuring out how to do that and it's so cute. Look! She has the hippo now and made the lion play music! I have to admit, I never really understood how mom's could get so excited about such things, but now that I'm there, I totally get it. Every new development is so exciting and special. Sometimes I'm humbled by the enormity of it - all the new beginnings. The first time she rolled over (she's only done it once still, but that's okay), the first time she smiled or cooed, or grabbed the lion on her bouncy seat. They are all steps toward becoming her own person and I get teary just thinking about it. I guess I'm a softie after all.

Breastfeeding is still tough. Sophia's doing great, latching like a champ, eating well. My nipples, on the other hand keep getting blisters on them. They are unbelievably painful. They are actual friction blisters, not the little milk ones (which are also painful). The last round has been especially difficult and slow to heal. Yesterday, I ended up pumping and bottle feeding Sophia because it hurt so bad. It's a little better today, but as the blisters heal, they leave cracked, broken skin behind, so I'm on to that stage. Yesterday, it looked like I might have the beginnings of an infection, so I started with neosporin after every feeding and I have ridiculous plastic nipple shells to protect them.

I really think it's a bra issue. I saw the LC about it before and she said the latching was great. I've been sleeping in a pre-pregnancy bra to keep things in place and one day I slept in a target nursing bra and had blisters forming the next day. I ordered a Bravado nursing bra (I can't believe I spent that much on a bra), and it's fabulous. I've been wearing it everyday except when I'm washing. I'm ordering 2 more. I REALLY hope this solves the problem. I think I'm going to go see the LC again when I get healed up and actually make her watch an entire nursing session to be sure that there's nothing going on there. I don't want to wait until round 5 to find out I was wrong about the bra thing. I told my husband last night that I didn't know how long I'd be able to continue if it didn't get better. It's not supposed to be this painful 3 months in.

There are a million more things to say, but Sophia is now starting to nod off and I'd rather she slept in her crib than the bouncy seat because she'll stay asleep longer, so I'm going to tend to her. Thanks for reading.