Where one chapter ends

It's been an eventful few months in our household as we have struggled to conceive another child. It began with much optimism and plans for the future. Then the reality set in. I had a very low AMH, meaning that I have an extremely low ovarian reserve (As in, the measurement doesn't go any lower) and therefore would likely not respond well to fertility medications. During an HSG, they discovered polyps that I had to have surgery to remove and then because of the large number, I had to be on hormone therapy for about 6 weeks to rebuild the lining of my uterus.

After that we decided to try a few courses of timed intercourse with injectible FSH. During the first cycle I had 2 follicles, but did not get pregnant. Then I developed a cyst on my right ovary. I went on BCP for about a month and it didn't get any smaller, so we decided to drain it (ouch). We then initiated a second cycle on a higher dose of FSH - basically the same dose as many IVF patients and I still got 2 mature follicles. And a couple of days ago, we learned that the cycle failed as well.  Going in, we knew that we only had about a 15% chance with each cycle, but it still hurts.

The drugs have taken a toll on me. I have constant headaches and they have excacerbated some allergy issues. The clinic is also an hour and a half away from my house, so working out the clinic visits is extremely stressful. So, my DH and I sat down and had a long, tearful chat about whether we really wanted to continue and decided to walk away.

I'm sad.  Really sad. But it's the right decision for us. We are so blessed to have our miracle baby Sprout and now we know that she is very likely to be our only biological child. We've agreed to do a few Hail Mary cycles on our own, but once the New Year rolls around, we are officially going to stop TTC. I am relieved, but it is tough to face a reality that is so different than what we imagined it would be.

In the meantime, I am very busy with my deacon formation program. Taking three classes and I'm going to preach for the first time in church this Sunday. Sprout had a fabulous third birthday party. She continues to amaze us and her teachers. She is really reading now. You probably won't believe me. I wouldn't have believed anyone else telling me their three year old could read!

We're going to just relax into being a family for awhile. We decided not to decide anything more until next summer, when we'll sit down and start seriously researching and discussing the adoption process.

Maybe I'll be blogging more as I work through all of this, or maybe not.  But it is definitely a new chapter in my life as we grieve the end of one chapter and look forward in hope to the next.